Coal Miner's Fodder

So, last weekend, myself and my fellow primate took a trip down to one of the local film houses to take in a moving picture show. Our choice? Why, it was Silent Hill. Based on the horror-survival videogame series of the same name, the film tells the story of Rose, a woman whose adopted daughter, Sharon, is constantly sleep-walking and having nightmares about a town called Silent Hill. So, to get some answers, the pair go trucking down to West Virgina, where the town of Silent Hill has been abandoned since a fire started in the coal mines under the town. Upon arriving in the town, Sharon disappears. Rose and random highway cop Bennett must search through the creepy town to find her.

Also, there are monsters. Lots of them.

Anyway, reviews of the movie have been mixed. Some love it. Some hate it. Most fall in that middle road. So, we assembled a crack team of reviewers, using a strict list of criteria. 1) They had to see the movie. 2) They had to have an hour to write up what they thought about it. 3)They had to be a writer for this blog. Or, at least related to one.

So, without further ado, we'll start this off with our special guest reviewer, Morgan:

"The good:
I was terrified. I was horrified. I was disturbed. I was shaking and clutching at shirt-sleeves.
Highlights:

• How LONG it took for anything to happen once she was actually in Silent Hill. It's nice that the director took his time with it.

• The eyes of the dude on the chain-link fence. Oh. My. God.

• The darkness made me want to hide. Like, inside my purse.

• THE MONSTERS! Oh Heavenly God! Oh Mother of the Baby Jesus!

The bad:
One thing I like about the horror genre is that it's a type of action film where a female protagonist is not only acceptable, but almost expected. But why--with the exception of a few notables (Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Sissy Spacek in Carrie, Naomi Watts in The Ring etc.)--why do they always seem to cast these blank-slate pretty girls who make me want to scream when they, I dunno, talk? Now, I'm not saying the actress can't be pretty (Naomi Watts anyone?) but can she at act too? (Though to be fair, the actress playing Rose sure could scream and cry well!)

In any case, casting a bad but good looking actress does NOT help your movie--especially if the dialogue is badly written and the leaps in logic aren't exactly that logical.

Okay, you're saying--"Logic? Morgan, it's Silent Hill."

I dunno...it just makes me laugh when a character is shocked for being put under arrest for speeding away from a cop after being pulled over. I mean, sure, get angry at being arrested--your kid's missing in Scaryhelltown, you've got more important things on your mind--but I don't think you’d be confused as to WHY said cop would be putting you in cuffs. It just made her look...really dumb.

And I'm sorry. "We're going to get through this" and "It's going to be alright"? Really? Phew! I was worried for a second there--Oh look! A thousand flesh-eating cockroaches with human faces!

These kinds of movies always work better when you don't know what the fuck is going on, and true to form, once the mystery is gone the movie goes downhill really, really fast. There's no more tension and no more suspense. Is she gonna die? Do I really care? Can the director get the extras to stop writhing for five seconds???

Anyhow. Yeah, the climax kinda degenerates into a gore-fest with shitty dialogue.

"You burn anything you don't understand!" Bleah! Now imagine it said with the petulance of a ten-year-old."

Parsopolian treats the film a little more kindly, reminding us just how bad video-game movies can really be:

Going into Silent Hill, I told Scotty Bomb and Lilwall that I didn't expect it to be amazing, or for it to bomb. Rather, I expected it to be a step in the right direction for game-to-movie adaptations--and that's exactly what I got.

Director Christopher Gans captures the style, visuals, and sounds of the game with almost too-perfect accuracy, without every making it feel like you would have needed to play the games in order to appreciate just how creepy and distorted this town is. The movie is paced very well, and though my fellow monkeys might tell you that there's too much exposition in certain scenes, I would have to disagree. The story works well, and the ending leaves the audience with a little to think about.

It definitely has a few flaws though. The protagonist is completely unbalanced--half the time she's a scared bimbo, and the other half she's Jill Valentine--and there is some dialogue that doesn't need to be there--including the last ten minutes of the movie. Despite all of that though, Silent Hill is definitely a step in the right direction, and gives me hope that the days of Uwe Boll cluster-fucks are at an end.

Speaking of cluster-fucks, Scotty-Bomb felt the ending could use a bit of work:

Now, I'm a big fan of Silent Hill, and a big not-fan of video game based movies. Frankly, my heart has been broken one too many times. So, understandably, I went in expecting disappointment, and hoping for anything other than disappointment. Happily, I wasn't disappointed. The movie delivered in almost every respect.

First and foremost, it was true to the source material. Almost reverential, in fact. I'd go so far as to say that non-fans of the games might be a little lost -- the way Serenity may have lost non-fans of Firefly. For fans like me, though, it was refreshing to see.

Secondly, it was deeply atmospheric. Admittedly, this is an aspect of the game and they wanted to remain true to the games --see above--but frankly, rich atmosphere is a MUST for a good horror story. And Silent Hill really delivers this with a punch. Long portions of the movie were devoted to Rose just running around the town, and I loved these parts. The town was wonderfully imagined, and the parts where it descends into the "Darkness" were both terrifying and disturbing.

Thirdly, the monsters were great. Again, right out of the game, but with good reason. The game monsters were all terrifying because they were so perfectly designed. They really are the disturbing constructs of an enraged child's psyche, like the broken toys that protect it. Some Silent Hill 2 monsters slipped in, but I didn't find that bad as many of them had disturbing medical undertones, and it was appropriate to the plot.

Now, I still thought there was some bad to go along with all this not-disappointment. Frankly, the ending was weak. I won't spoil anything, but for those who've seen the movie, we'll call it the Church Scene. Not the first one, I mean THE Church Scene. That's when the movie really turned for me, and the rest of it seemed both rushed and… well a little out of character from the previously established Rose. I was even willing to forgive the scene prior where the back-story was basically spelt out for those who decided not to follow the plot, but the Church Scene...well it really pulled me out of the story. I was also very under whelmed by Sean Bean's part in the plot. I felt he could have been tied into the ending much more meaningfully, and that he was ultimately wasted by the writers -- especially because it was a good performance from Sean Bean!

In the end, the movie came together a little too hastily, and a little too neatly, in an unsatisfying way. The Silent Hill games always left a little ambiguity at the end, never really explaining everything. This way, the gamer would have something to mull over when it was all over...I guess that movie-goers would much rather have everything spelt out for them, than be left with something to talk about.

MikeTheGreat thought the movie was great, and the rest of you can go to hell:

Say what you will of the stigma surrounding video game movies. Silent Hill combines realistic horror with a chilling script to violently eviscerate all cliches of the genre and produce a disturbingly satisfying transfer.

The film tells a complex tale of purgatory and redemption with an ever-present fear of authority. The characters are real. The best moments of the film come from the torturously terrified performance of Rose; as a viewer, you truly feel as if she is about to become the next victim of the film's own sadistic bloodthirst. Late in the movie, there are points where the drama feels slightly forced, but the action is never too much that it interferes with the plot.

Visually, Silent Hill is perhaps the most disturbing and spectacular film of its genre yet. Creatures of hellish nightmare are faithfully reproduced from the game, and they all feel unsettlingly real. The film only uses CG effects when necessary, opting for the more traditional latex makeup, and none of the effects ever intrude. They're seamless and beautiful enough to quench the thirsts of the most critical of gore fans, and the visuals never feel like a crutch to simply support weak parts of the script.

Perhaps its most impressive feat is avoiding the banality of traditional video game movies. While Silent Hill is not entirely cinema, it distances itself enough from gaming cliche to deliver two hours of sick and joyful entertainment. Though it isn't the first film to attempt this, it's the first to do it right. A new prescedent has been set, and we can only hope that future efforts will base their gaming films on the Silent Hill model.

Masamax wants you to know that not only did he enjoy it, but he ain't afraid of no ghosts:

As far as video game adaptations go, this one is way above average. Then again, the bar has been set fairly low with epics like House of the Dead, but none-the-less it is a relaitvely good movie. Although I never really felt scared in the movie, that's mostly because I'm manly. The movie is extremely stylish, and looks great, with quite a few very disturbing scenes, However, it has some real weak moments, mostly when it strays too far from the "Let's make the auidence wonder what the fuck is going on in this town!" to "Let's explain it to them in the most blatant terms we can!". I also felt it might have followed the games a little too closely for the movie format, perhaps losing some narrative focus, but still, after some of the crappy 'scary' movies I've had to sit through recentlly, this one is actually near the top of the list of recent films in that catagory. I think it would have been better without those explinations though, as one of my favourite movies of the past year, Hostel, was extremely effective at making you feel some dread (even me) due to the way it ended. I'll leave it to you to decide.

3/5

Finally, Lilwall could not come up with a clever comment for his own review:

For myself, Silent Hill was pretty much like waking up as a kid on Easter morning. The eggs have been gathered and your heathen family has continued their tradition of skipping church. And now you're sitting in the living room with mountains and mountains of candy before you. And you pledge "I'm going to eat ALLLLL this candy!"

And you do. The first hour is pretty good. You're eating chocolate bunnies and they're delicious. For the first hour of Silent Hill, it held on to me pretty interested. Save for a bit of a slow beginning, the visuals and the disturbing atmosphere created in the movie had me right in in that horror-movie sweet spot. I was scared, and I was loving it. It truly did capture the main thing that made the Silent Hill games scary -- you had no idea why all this scary shit was happening, so you couldn't even begin to anticipate what was around the next corner.

After the first hour of the candy binge, of course, you get start to hit that wall. The candy you are eating is the same, but it doesn't taste as good - it's starting to get to be old hat. A little too much of a good thing, and you start to lose interest. Of course, every once and a while your spirits are lifted when you find one of those wonderful cream-filled eggs. Pyramid Head was that cream egg. Creepy as all hell, the sword-wielding sadist helped the last half of the movie from slipping completely in to Been-There, Done-That territory. Other than that, you're thinking, "Sure, it still tastes good...but do I really NEED all this candy?"

And then, comes the end. All you have left are the shitty little ducks made of low-grade sugar. They'd make you sick on a good day, but after eating all the GOOD candy, they taste especially horrible. This is the Church Scene - overly dramatic, overly gory. Too much rushed exposition, and, going against the tradition of the video game series, far too much closure. One doesn't fully appreciate the first half of the movie, in which the narrative was presented primarily by visuals, until one realizes just how bad the dialogue is, and how bad the actors are at giving it.

Just like those little sugar ducks, the last ten minutes of Silent Hill makes you want to throw up when you're done. But, if you can stomach the absolutely horrible final binge, Silent Hill isn't a bad way to get your sugar high.

Long update, huh? Well, now it's over. Go away.

String,
Lilwall

Quick Retorts: Yo' MALM-a

Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
Lookin at bedding in IKEA. i may go with like an all MALM set up
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Dude
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Do it
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Cause then I can sleep on your bed one day and say "I just slept with Ram's MALM"
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
....
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
fuck u
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
i'm finding a new one

"Dude, he just ripped out his fucking eye!"

This video speaks for itself. I'm calling it now: Top five game of the year.

A chronicle of my day at work

Work hasn't been easy since I assumed the title of Assistant Manager at the liquor store. The responsibilities that come with such a role far outweigh those of any position I've held in any prior jobs. I now feel a sense of accountability for the hours that pass without me so much as lifting a finger. It's different than the carefree attitude of being just a regular employee. The good thing is, a job with as much prestige as mine also has its perks. I now have one person under me, and boy, does that kind of authority feel great. With the manager out of town for a district manager's meeting this weekend, I'm the alpha wolf, and the weight of the store's prosperity falls entirely on my shoulders. That said, I invite you in to share a chronicle of what my day is like. Perhaps through this, you'll truly appreciate and understand the immense responsibility that comes with holding the role of the Assistant Manager.

9:55 AM - Arrive at the store.

9:56 AM - Check the back room, and stock the beer cooler.

9:59 AM - Realize the store is uncomfortably chilly, turn the heat up by a few degrees.

10:02 AM - Open for business.

10:03 AM - Sit down. Put feet on desk. Stretch.

10:04 AM - Tilt my head back. Rest my eyes. It's early, after all.

10:26 AM - Realize I'm beginning to sweat. Wonder why the hell I turned the heat up so high.

10:27 AM - Turn the heat off.

10:32 AM - First customer. It's a regular. He buys two of our cheapest 6-packs.

10:33 AM - Resume sitting.

10:51 AM - Consider making some coffee.

10:55 AM - Get up, make some coffee.

10:57 AM - Second customer. It's a regular. He buys a bottle of our cheapest vodka.

11:09 AM - A police car drives by.

11:16 AM - Go check on coffee. Wonder why it hasn't brewed yet.

11:18 AM - Realize it wasn't plugged in.

11:22 AM - Open some 30-packs of Bud and Coors, and repack them as 6-packs. This is cheaper than buying 6-packs directly from the suppliers.

11:29 AM - I finally have coffee. Wonder why I brewed it so strong. I can't drink this black.

11:31 AM - Realize we're out of International Delight. Put up “Back in 5 Minutes” sign and go to 7-11.

11:43 AM - Arrive back at the store, coffee creamer and Taquitos in hand.

11:44 AM - My coffee is cold by this point. Adding creamer makes it colder. I drink it anyway.

11:45 AM - Turn on my laptop, and watch an episode of Scrubs that Mike sent me.

11:48 AM - Another police car drives by.

11:51 AM - The lady with the glass eye comes in, and buys one of our cheapest 6-packs. I still can't figure out which eye to look at when I talk to her.

11:57 AM - A police car is now parked in front of the Health Food Store next door.

12:22 PM - Get some more coffee. It's better when it's hot.

12:31 PM - The police car is still sitting there.

12:43 PM - Customer enters the store and asks me about the Flames game last night. We discuss playoff overtime, and how grateful we are to see the shootout disappear.

12:49 PM - A maroon 4-door pulls into the nearly-empty parking lot and begins to drive in tight circles around a lamp post.

12:50 PM - The car is still circling. I wonder if he's getting dizzy.

12:51 PM - The car has now left the parking lot and my line of sight.

1:14 PM - The police car leaves the parking lot.

1:32 PM - Nature calls. Has the wrong number.

1:34 PM - Wonder why we're out of paper towels. Make a note to order more.

1:39 PM - Rummage through the drawers. Find a can of WD-40, lighter

1:41 PM - Wonder why I thought a homemade flamethrower as a good idea. Dispose of the charred papers, and hope they weren't important.

1:44 PM - Customer points out that I still have the “Back in 5 Minutes” sign on the door. Jokes that he's been waiting for half an hour. Would have been funny if the front of the store didn't have large windows, allowing me to see him pull up 30 seconds ago.

1:46 PM - Another police car drives by.

1:57 PM - Discover a stash of potato chips under the counter. They're labeled “Damn Good Chips”

1:58 PM - Discover that these chips are anything but “Damn Good.” Curse false advertising.

2:19 PM - Customer tells me he only has $10, and demands our cheapest beer. I direct him to the most popular cooler at the back of the store.

2:20 PM - Wonder what beer that sells for less than a dollar a can tastes like. Decide I'm better off not knowing.

2:28 PM - Burst into spontaneous air guitar to Rancid's “Ruby Soho.” The elderly couple walking by outside stares at me awkwardly.

2:30 PM - Ramin calls to inform me that I've been ditched for our Silent Hill viewing tomorrow, in favor of him and Lilwall seeing it with Bourgeois tonight. Begin digging shallow grave.

2:41 PM - Discover that the toilet is stuck in a state of eternal flushery. Attempts to fix it are in vain. This must waste a lot of water.

2:49 PM - Customer tells me he wishes he had my job. He doesn't realize how many dues I've had to pay in order to secure such an esteemed position.

3:04 PM - Decide to tinker with the toilet some more. Somehow manage to fix it, gaining a beginner's grasp of lavatory plumbing.

3:05 PM - Snicker to myself as I recall that the guy who invented the toilet was named “Crapper.”

3:17 PM - Darrell, the new guy, comes in. Gets my hopes up that I'll be going home an hour early. Says he's only stopping by to grab something, and will be back by 4:00.

3:18 PM - Curse silently

3:26 PM - A police car drives by. I begin to wonder if they found the bodies...

3:28 PM - A car is stopped at the intersection across the parking lot. I have a staring contest with it.

3:29 PM - It moved. I win.

3:33 PM - My curiosity gets the best of me. I set up the ladder and decide to take a peek above the ceiling tiles.

3:35 PM - That was boring.

3:45 PM - Customer Count: 12. Surprisingly high.

3:48 PM - I get my first rush as two customers enter the store at the same time. One of them is wearing a cordless phone around his neck. Not a cell phone, a cordless land-line phone. Wtf?

4:00 PM - No Darrell. I'll give him 15 minutes. I'm a just but fair leader.

4:02 PM - Darrell shows up. He's had some lunch and some beer, but he can stand, and I can go home. Another grueling day is done.

The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word

One thing you may hear often on this blog is the I enjoy rap music about as much as my fellow monkeys like to make fun of me for it. I've listened to rap music since I was about ten years old. Of course, back then I heard it mostly through the wall that connected my room with my sister's. In fact, It was probably her influence that got me hooked on it. Creative instrumentals, addictive beats, smooth melodies, but more importantly meaningful lyrics, all played a part in my genesis as a fan of rap music. Guys like 2pac, Biggie, Nas, EPMD, the underappreciated Arrested Development, and if you really want retro, NWA, were able to bring to the table a healthy combination of catchy club songs and meanigful, passionate, true-to-life lyrics about a world I knew very little about, and wouldn't have considered otherwise.

Though, I guess it was a different time for rap music back then. While the scene was marred by the same "hip-pop" bullshit that is the foundation for the industry's current regiment, it never felt quite as fake as it does now. Even guys like Kanye West--who preaches about justice, how the American government force fed black people Crack, and how George W. Bush doesn't care about black people--becomes more con artist than rap artist as time goes by. Don't get me wrong, I like Kanye. Late Registration was a great album--though, like I said, the only reason this album got the immense praise that it did was because after 1996, rap music went to shit. SinceNas refuses to make himself mainstream, Kanye is the general public's only outlet for rap music that actually tells some sort of story. However, when I read something like this, I start losing faith.

Read it, I'll wait. It's important.

Now, putting aside the fact that I read it in Dose, this kind of thing just...Well, insults me, quite frankly. It should insult everyone. Now, this may not mean much to the rest of you, but in the almost ten years I've been listening to rap music, I've never once said the "n" word--at least not in a context that wasn't "Dude, Kanye just marginalized the word nigger." I take pride in it because, as much as I can, I try to maintain a level of maturity and contextual awareness in my behavior.

obviously something 'Ye is missing from his repetoir of bought-and-paid-for lyrical prowess and an ego twice the size of Texas. I don't really understand what he's trying to do with this stunt. For one, he's pandering to the rich hipster white boy pseudo intellectual college students who love nothing more than to be considered "niggerish". These is the same ignorant fan base that basically decided for the rap industry that Jay-Z was the greatest rapper ever--which I could not disagree with more, but that's a different issue.

I guess it speaks to his ego to assume that, since he can tastelessly portray a black Jesus on the cover of Time, he can also take over the N-Bomb and use it however he pleases--which apparently involves comparing it to a high school hall pass. He can pass it around like a spliff, pass pass puff--but make sure you don't hog that shit, cause he can take it back as quick as he pleases. Like the slave masters that called his ancestor "nigger" and enslaved his people for hundreds of years, Kanye has taken the racist term for African people and is using it to enslave society's new "nigger". Essentially, Kanye has become the slave driver. His slaves? Ignorant wiggers and suburbanites who eat it up like corn bread.

Kanye West doesn't care about black people.

Peace,
Ramin

Welcome to Silent Hill

Whenever someone asks me, "Scott, what's the scariest video game you ever played?" I reply "Silent Hill 2." Or at least, I would, because no one really asks me that question. But it's a good question. And it's the perfect answer.

Silent Hill 2 is, frankly, the scariest video game I've ever played. From the first moment of the game, to it's gripping finale, it never fails to deliver. We follow the very personal horror story of James Sunderland, who has been called to Silent Hill by his wife... who's been dead for several years.

James can't understand why this invitation came to him... for that matter, can't understand why ends up taking the trip to the quiet resort town where he and his wife Mary had their fondest memories. But one thing's for certain, something is terribly wrong.

Silent Hill, for James, becomes something of a purgatory. He is tormented by his memories and his own personal demons, and even meets a few kindered spirits on his travels... though their fates may been far more grim than his own. That, however, is mainly up to you. Does James learn to leave Mary behind and move on with his life? Or does he end it all in his grief? Your actions help decide.

With a rich atmosphere, a compelling story, and believable characters, Silent Hill 2 really is, in my opinion, the scariest game ever.

The fact that it also introduced the world to Pyramid Head also scores it some big points.

So imagine my mixed joy/horror when they announced that there was going to be a Silent Hill movie.



Look! Pyramid Head is on some of the posters! But I digress... joy/horror.

Joy, because my very favourite horror game was coming to the big screen. With the amazing story already built into the game, the movie had all the source material it needed to be amazing.

Horror... because I've seen other video game movies.

But today, I read this preview... and my hope is restored. I think I know what I'm going to be seeing this weekend. What can it hurt?

The Worst President in American History

I love being sick. It gives me time to sit at home, drinking copious amounts of Vitamin C, and cruising the gentile waves of the internet. And where, friendly reader, does this surfing take me? Why, to American politics!

If there's one thing we Canadians love... it's other people's politics. Yup, we really don't care much for Canadian politics because, frankly, it's DULL.

But Americans? Wow! They know how to do politics. The scandals. The lying. The corruption.

So... just who IS the worst president in American history?

Animal Testing = Animal Cruelty

We type-writer monkeys have a hard life.

Finals have prohibited us from doing too much posting, at the moment. However, I've taken time out of my studies--and by that I mean looked for an excuse to take time out from studying--to do a little updating of the blog, namely adding a new blog to the Migration. Outgoing A&E Editor of The Gateway and our good buddy Mike Larocque--bringing the count of mikes I know to four--has finally joined the new age of pseudo-journalism and created his own little blog. I hope you enjoy his ramblings--and bitchin pictures of Perfect Strangers.

Peace,
Ram

Thoughts on Creepy Transgender Dreams: A Conversation

What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
LOL she is so werid
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
why
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
She had a dream she was a gay emo boy and found this really cute other gay emo boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And now all she can talk about is this imaginary emo boy she made out with in her dream
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
I thought she internally was a gay emo boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
AND she found a boy on deviant art who looks like her dream boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
who is also gay
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
lol nice
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
So now she made a fake MSN account as a gay boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And added dream boy
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
...what the fuck?
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Yes
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Exactly
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
So, what, she's going to pretend to be a gay boy, hitting on a gay boy, who she had a dream about making out with, as a gay boy?
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Yes
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And now she is using my msn picture as her picture
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
as soon as he starts demanding naked pics, start demanding a paycheck

"You saw Dog Day Afternoon. If I'm gonna take it in the ass, I wanna be kissed first."

Been a bit since I posted, but with finals, Oblivion, and social demands, it's been tough. I have seen a few things of interest though.

Firstly, looks like the X-Men movies will finally have a Danger Room . What does this mean for us uber-geeks who salivate at the combination of words "Danger" and "Room"? Either a really bitchin' training sequence...or a very awkward one. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been amazed at almost every step that has been taken with this film franchise, but the Danger Room is sort of an enigma. It's one of those things you just don't screw up. If it ends up looking mighty awkward, then I'd be very sad. I'm already anxious enough as it is, having Brett Ratner directing the show now that Singer decided to bail for the lesser super hero--yes, I said it, Superman is a shitty super hero. I mean, The guy who did Rush Hour? I dunno man. I'll still be there opening night, but I just may not dress up this time. Or, any time.

There's also some good news, and some terrible news. I'll give the good news first.

And by good news, I mean great news, because Ubisoft, developers for a dozen or so amazing game franchises--including Prince of Persia, Far Cry, Drakengard, Splinter Cell--are finally dropping Starforce, the company that provided them with a digital-rights protection software which has come under massive heat in the last few months. It's not really surprising, considering Ubisoft is being sued over Starforce's Digital Rights Management (DRM) software. A $5 million law suit is sure to break up any good relationship.

Frankly, I could not be happier about it. Starforce was a terrible system that, quite frankly, didn't work. I mean forget creating weakness in PC's, allowing them to be hacked, blah blah. The shit didn't even WORK. And not in the sense that it was easy to get around. I'm talking in the sense that half the time it doesn't allow you to play the game you've legally bought. Plus, after the whole Gallactive Civ thing, Starforce has pretty much lost every leg it had to stand on.

That doesn't mean Ubi's going to stop using DMR's though, just like Sony didn't after their whole DMR scandal. I have nothing against DMR, even being an admitted game pirate. It's just that, frankly, their aren't a whole lot of them that don't either screw up, or leave you exposed. We'll see where Ubi goes with this.

And, now the bad news. Blade, one of my favorite movie franchises--yes, I know it was a comic book first, and yes, I don't include the third one 'cause it was fucking terrible--has sunk even lower thank it did with Blade Trinity. It's now coming to TV. Spike TV, to be exact--terrible trailers for which can be forcefully viewed here and here.

All I can say, is what the fuck? First, Goyer kills all of Del Toro's work in Blade 2 with Blade Trinity--ohh, look, Ryan Reynolds being funny. What show was he on? Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place? Wait, you mean he's been playing the same character from that show, in every single movie he's been in? Really? What? You're shitting me. Also, terrible directing, terrible story, TERRIBLE Dracula, and Triple H.

Now they're bringing it on TV? Ok, breathe. It might not be that bad. I mean, it's Snipes, right? I'm sure he can salvage the character with his natural charisma...wait. Snipes isn't in it? Who is? STICKY FINGAZ!? The washed up rapper who played, get this a washed up rapper on The Shield? I mean, don't get me wrong, I liked his character on The Shield. But a rapper? As Blade? Fuckin hell.

I will end this by referring you to the title of this post.

Peace,
Ram

Climbing the Corporate Ladder

Tonight marks a new personal record for me. Self-love jokes aside, I am a titan amongst men in the field of general awesomeness.

Sitting at home today, mere hours before my shift at the Liquor Store began, my phone rings. It's Duff, the manager. Yes, the manager is named Duff. And yes, he's the manager of a liquor store. OH YEAH!

He asks me if I want to come in an hour early. Having nothing better to do apart from browsing for amusing and stylish cloth hats for my warrior on the Cho'Gall auction house, I kindly oblige. At this point, he casually mentions that I've just become the store's new assistant manager. I must have passed some sort of test, because this just came out of left field. Or maybe it was the bullpen. I don't watch too much baseball.

I've been working there for all of 3 months now, having started in the middle of chilly January. In my prior occupations, I've achieved both quick and prominent promotions, though not at the same time. That is to say, I was promoted to Crew Trainer within a month at McDonald's, and at Movie Gallery, I made it up to the position of Senior Crew Supervisor, though it took a fair amount of time.

But assistant manager in three months? I must have really bested the competition. Having beat out both Terri, who quit on maternity leave, and that other guy, the guy who doesn't work at the store, is an impressive feat, to say the least. As competitive as I am, it's nice to have no realistic competition for once. Or in this case, no competition of any sort, at all, whatsoever.

Life is easy.

The fruits of this weekend's labor

A music video for They Might Be Giants' Particle Man. I made this over the weekend. I had a lot of free time.

Thoughts on Michelle Kelly: A Conversation

Mike - Rain! says:
do you think if I start listening to more Dave Matthews, I can serenade my way into her pants?
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
I doubt it.
Mike - Rain! says:
fuck
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
I hope she pepper sprays you.
Mike - Rain! says:
sometimes, I hate you
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And you'd be all like...MY EYES!
Mike - Rain! says:
I love facebook
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And I'd be like "Damn, yo."
Mike - Rain! says:
Interests:
Comics & Illustration, Writing, Video Games, Animation, Film, Hockey, Michelle Kelly
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And then we'd got to the hospital.
Mike - Rain! says:
GASP
Mike - Rain! says:
SHE HAS A FACEBOOK
Mike - Rain! says:
although, now that I've put her in my interests, it might be a little creepy if I add her to my facebook too
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And I'd go the the hospital cafeteria, and I'd order onion rings.
Mike - Rain! says:
I guess it's creepy that I've put her in my interests in the first place, but that's beside the point
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And then I'd be all like "YUM YUM MUNCH MUNCH BURP."
Mike - Rain! says:
I love how we're having two seperate conversations
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And you'd be like...."I can't see, pass me an onion ring."
Mike - Rain! says:
Favorite Movies:
Lost in Translation, Amelie, Whisper of the Heart, Spirited Away, The Princess Bride
Mike - Rain! says:
Why can't I just marry this girl now?
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
But I wouldn't let you have ANY. Cause I love onion rings.
Mike - Rain! says:
Oh Michelle Kelly, lead me not into temptation...
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
That would be the best day ever.
Mike - Rain! says:
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