A chronicle of my day at work

Work hasn't been easy since I assumed the title of Assistant Manager at the liquor store. The responsibilities that come with such a role far outweigh those of any position I've held in any prior jobs. I now feel a sense of accountability for the hours that pass without me so much as lifting a finger. It's different than the carefree attitude of being just a regular employee. The good thing is, a job with as much prestige as mine also has its perks. I now have one person under me, and boy, does that kind of authority feel great. With the manager out of town for a district manager's meeting this weekend, I'm the alpha wolf, and the weight of the store's prosperity falls entirely on my shoulders. That said, I invite you in to share a chronicle of what my day is like. Perhaps through this, you'll truly appreciate and understand the immense responsibility that comes with holding the role of the Assistant Manager.

9:55 AM - Arrive at the store.

9:56 AM - Check the back room, and stock the beer cooler.

9:59 AM - Realize the store is uncomfortably chilly, turn the heat up by a few degrees.

10:02 AM - Open for business.

10:03 AM - Sit down. Put feet on desk. Stretch.

10:04 AM - Tilt my head back. Rest my eyes. It's early, after all.

10:26 AM - Realize I'm beginning to sweat. Wonder why the hell I turned the heat up so high.

10:27 AM - Turn the heat off.

10:32 AM - First customer. It's a regular. He buys two of our cheapest 6-packs.

10:33 AM - Resume sitting.

10:51 AM - Consider making some coffee.

10:55 AM - Get up, make some coffee.

10:57 AM - Second customer. It's a regular. He buys a bottle of our cheapest vodka.

11:09 AM - A police car drives by.

11:16 AM - Go check on coffee. Wonder why it hasn't brewed yet.

11:18 AM - Realize it wasn't plugged in.

11:22 AM - Open some 30-packs of Bud and Coors, and repack them as 6-packs. This is cheaper than buying 6-packs directly from the suppliers.

11:29 AM - I finally have coffee. Wonder why I brewed it so strong. I can't drink this black.

11:31 AM - Realize we're out of International Delight. Put up “Back in 5 Minutes” sign and go to 7-11.

11:43 AM - Arrive back at the store, coffee creamer and Taquitos in hand.

11:44 AM - My coffee is cold by this point. Adding creamer makes it colder. I drink it anyway.

11:45 AM - Turn on my laptop, and watch an episode of Scrubs that Mike sent me.

11:48 AM - Another police car drives by.

11:51 AM - The lady with the glass eye comes in, and buys one of our cheapest 6-packs. I still can't figure out which eye to look at when I talk to her.

11:57 AM - A police car is now parked in front of the Health Food Store next door.

12:22 PM - Get some more coffee. It's better when it's hot.

12:31 PM - The police car is still sitting there.

12:43 PM - Customer enters the store and asks me about the Flames game last night. We discuss playoff overtime, and how grateful we are to see the shootout disappear.

12:49 PM - A maroon 4-door pulls into the nearly-empty parking lot and begins to drive in tight circles around a lamp post.

12:50 PM - The car is still circling. I wonder if he's getting dizzy.

12:51 PM - The car has now left the parking lot and my line of sight.

1:14 PM - The police car leaves the parking lot.

1:32 PM - Nature calls. Has the wrong number.

1:34 PM - Wonder why we're out of paper towels. Make a note to order more.

1:39 PM - Rummage through the drawers. Find a can of WD-40, lighter

1:41 PM - Wonder why I thought a homemade flamethrower as a good idea. Dispose of the charred papers, and hope they weren't important.

1:44 PM - Customer points out that I still have the “Back in 5 Minutes” sign on the door. Jokes that he's been waiting for half an hour. Would have been funny if the front of the store didn't have large windows, allowing me to see him pull up 30 seconds ago.

1:46 PM - Another police car drives by.

1:57 PM - Discover a stash of potato chips under the counter. They're labeled “Damn Good Chips”

1:58 PM - Discover that these chips are anything but “Damn Good.” Curse false advertising.

2:19 PM - Customer tells me he only has $10, and demands our cheapest beer. I direct him to the most popular cooler at the back of the store.

2:20 PM - Wonder what beer that sells for less than a dollar a can tastes like. Decide I'm better off not knowing.

2:28 PM - Burst into spontaneous air guitar to Rancid's “Ruby Soho.” The elderly couple walking by outside stares at me awkwardly.

2:30 PM - Ramin calls to inform me that I've been ditched for our Silent Hill viewing tomorrow, in favor of him and Lilwall seeing it with Bourgeois tonight. Begin digging shallow grave.

2:41 PM - Discover that the toilet is stuck in a state of eternal flushery. Attempts to fix it are in vain. This must waste a lot of water.

2:49 PM - Customer tells me he wishes he had my job. He doesn't realize how many dues I've had to pay in order to secure such an esteemed position.

3:04 PM - Decide to tinker with the toilet some more. Somehow manage to fix it, gaining a beginner's grasp of lavatory plumbing.

3:05 PM - Snicker to myself as I recall that the guy who invented the toilet was named “Crapper.”

3:17 PM - Darrell, the new guy, comes in. Gets my hopes up that I'll be going home an hour early. Says he's only stopping by to grab something, and will be back by 4:00.

3:18 PM - Curse silently

3:26 PM - A police car drives by. I begin to wonder if they found the bodies...

3:28 PM - A car is stopped at the intersection across the parking lot. I have a staring contest with it.

3:29 PM - It moved. I win.

3:33 PM - My curiosity gets the best of me. I set up the ladder and decide to take a peek above the ceiling tiles.

3:35 PM - That was boring.

3:45 PM - Customer Count: 12. Surprisingly high.

3:48 PM - I get my first rush as two customers enter the store at the same time. One of them is wearing a cordless phone around his neck. Not a cell phone, a cordless land-line phone. Wtf?

4:00 PM - No Darrell. I'll give him 15 minutes. I'm a just but fair leader.

4:02 PM - Darrell shows up. He's had some lunch and some beer, but he can stand, and I can go home. Another grueling day is done.