X-Men 3: The Last Stand - a film review

Going into X3, I cannot say with a straight face that I went in with the highest expectations. I mean, this movie has gone through more directors than Sharon Stone, was directed by Brett Ratner--of Rush Hour fame--and was at one point reported to have mutant hookers. I'm sorry to say that my suspicions of this movie going to suck were accurate. As a huge fan of X-men, and being extremely pleased with the previous films in the series, I was going into it with high hopes, but low expectations. I'm sorry to say, my apprehension was well founded.

BE WARNED OF SPOILERS

I'm not denying that I may be a bit biased on the subject, but that doesn't mean that the movie was a total flop. On that note, let's start with what the movie did well. The opening Danger Room sequence was something I actually approved of. For X2, Bryan Singer had designed a much smaller set for a desired Danger Room sequence, and I wasn't really a fan of the idea. But Ratner does a good job with it. In fact, All of the special effects and action sequences were particularly good. Also, the writers did do an excellent job of using mutant powers--for the most part--and having numerous cameos--the sentinel head being my particular favorite.

However, that's about all the good I could find in this movie. Lets start with the writing. For some reason, the writers of this film--which weren't the same writers as in previous films--appeared to have never read a single X-men comic, and had no prior knowledge of the characters. First off, they completely ruined the Dark Phoenix storyline. Instead of Jean Grey being possessed by an alien entity, she is the victim of a "dual personality" caused by Professor X using mental blocks to control Jean's powers. This basically craps all over the original storyline, and the character, because it makes "Phoenix" into a bratty child that is mad at her father figure. Secondly, Rogue's character is completely messed with by being made to take the "cure"--which is stupid, considering that in the comics, she refused the drug, and actually destroyed it. The writer Thirdly, Magneto would never leave himself undefended in a war zone like that--this was well established in the very first film.

Which brings me to my next point: almost every stylistic design that Singer created in the first two films are completely ignored by Ratner's direction. I mean, I understand that different directors will make movies in different ways. But, other than the Magneto example above, Singer also established in the first film the fact that there would be no usage of the costumes from the original comics. Yet, when Beast--portrayed perfectly by Kelsey Grammer--puts on his suit, it is actually his costume from the cartoons and comics. It may sound nitpicky, and on some level it is. But the fact is that this movie as a whole is ignoring and missing elements that made the first two unique and spectacular in their own right.

Someone brought up the point to me earlier that adding story elements like Dark Phoenix being an Alien, or that Juggernaught was not really a mutant, but had a magical stone that gave him his power, would be too difficult to write in a film of that length. And in the case of juggernaught, I would agree. But the thing that made the first two movies so great was that they took risks. None of the films were 100% faithful to the original storylines, but where the first two films felt like a step forward in a fresh direction, this film felt like a step back. It lacked the same emotional impact that the first two had--frankly, I felt more sad when Jean died in the second film then when Prof. X died in this film--and in the end, left me unsatisfied.

Which is sad, since this is reportedly the last film in the series. There will be both a Magneto and a Wolverine prequel, so the X-men aren't quite done yet. But, if by some chance, they do make a fourth X-men film, I hope that they either A) redo this film, or B) since Magneto still apparently has his power at the end of the film, they use a simple "turns out the cure wasn't permanent" deal and completely ignore Ratner's debacle--since ignoring established story-line points is what Ratner does best.

Peace,
Ram

Intermission

Hasn't really been a lot of action going on with this blog, so this is just a tiny update. Most of my fellow monkeys--that being Lilwall, MiketheGreat and Masamax--are moving out these next couple days, so they're pretty wrapped up. I, on the other hand, am in Ottawa, nations capital, for some much needed R&R--though I guess visiting my sister is kind of counter productive. In either case, I'll be back next sunday, and when I arrive, I will be doing a very long and detailed photo-journal blog entry of my entire trip. So get excited for some slide-show-style parlimentary awesomeness.

P.S: If you've never been to montreal, I suggest going. I still hate frenchies, but that city, and everything about it, is freaking amazing. I can't wait to bum around there one summer.

Peace,
Ram

"An episodic sociopathic lagomorph. The mind boggles."

Anyone else excited?

Holy...Crap...

This is by far the best thing I've heard so far this year:

Heat: The Game

If there was ever a reason to buy a 360, this is IT people! L.A. Bank Robbery..fuck...Val Kilmer...Deniro...Pacino...fuckin...best..game...ever.

God I love Michael Mann

Thoughts on Punching Taints: A Threat.

Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
u couldn't beat me up if u tried
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
which u didn't
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
I could beat you up.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
Nah
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
I'd just punch you in the taint.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
Between my ballsack and asshole!?
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
Thats what i said.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
You'd totally go down for the count.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
lol how the fuck would u reach it?
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
Tell you that i need 2 give you a blowjob
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
then uppercut your taint.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
It might be worth it.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
To see you fall down from me punching your taint.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
K, that wouldn't really hurt that much
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
It would be like punching my arm
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
...did you just punch yourself in the taint to test?
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
lol...not punched exactly
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
I AM wearing shorts, so, easy access
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
LMAO

"I have only one thing to say: EMotion."

Well, E3 is good and done now. There are tons of games I want to cover, but we'll get to that in a different post. This post is about one thing, and one thing only. The Sony Press Conference. It's a long watch, so if you aren't interested, I'll give you a shortened version of the key points that pissed me off.

Firstly, the demos they showed, sucked. Last year, the whole Killzone fiasco didn't really help them, but the first teaser for Metal Gear Solid 4 at TGS did wonders for them. However, none of the demos they showed at E3 this year were really all that impressive. The only one that looked decent was Heavenly Sword, which was essentially a spiffy God of War with better visuals.

Then of course, there was, how did they put it, "Six Degrees of Freedom." Last year, at E3 '05, Sony unveiled the prototype for the PS3 controller--not a popular design, though I actually liked it. Sony, at the request of their rabid fans, decided to redesignit. At some point rediculousley close to E3, Sony also decided that, Nintendo's motion sensor idea was such a threat, they would steal it. Only, not only did they steal it, and not improve it, they would make it worse by having obviousley less functionality. Also, they would give it to the Warhawk guys the weekend before E3. Almost every developer working on a PS3 game had no clue about it untill the bloody press conference! What does it say about a company when, six months untill launch day, they scramble and shove this half-assed, ripped-off idea down the system's throat?

But their greatest offense was the pricing. So, lets see. Microsoft came out with two different packages for the Xbox 360. Sony will release with two different packages. The cheaper 360 bundel, $400 CND. The cheap PS3 bundel, $600 CND. The Premium 360, $500 CND. Premium PS3, $700 CND.

Now, as insane as that pricing is, it makes sense for the simple fact that the Blu-Ray drives are not cheap by any means. My problem is the actual difference between the two bundels. The $600 "retard pack", comes with the console, a wired controler, a 20gb internal hard drive, no HDMI support, less USB ports, and no Memory Stick slots. The $700 pack comes with a 60gb hard drive, HDMI support, more USB ports, and a Memory Stick slot. Now, my first question is, what the hell is the point of Blu-Ray without HDMI support? What's the point of developing this high-defnition proprietary format that shoots up the price of your console to the point where a very small number of people will buy it, and then not provide your cheaper version with the ability to actually fully utilize the format? The next question to follow would then be, if you aren't going to provide that obviousley necessary component, why design the cheaper version in a way that doesn't even allow the consumer to buy accessories for it? Everything on this console is internal, which means there's no ability to install a larger hard drive, or add HDMI support, or use Memory Sticks. Fucking genius.

To put it simpley, Sony scrambled. Their online service is basically Xbox Live--not to say that is a negative thing, because that's basically what Sony fans wanted anyways--their controller is the Wii-mote but shitty, and their console costs way more than the average gamer is going to ever be able to afford. $700 for just the console? You realize that buy the time the PS3 comes out, you will be able to buy a 360 Premium bundel for $400 CND, a couple wireless controllers, a play-and-charge kit, and a couple of games for the cost of a PS3? Maybe if they could show us which of their launch titles--none of which have been announced--is going to be their $700 game? I love Metal Gear Solid, but there's no way I'm paying that much to see Snake commit suicide.

It's kind of sad when Peter Mooore, the macho alpha-male hancho of Xbox 360 can tear into Sony and not have to fear any sort of backlash. Sony's really fucked themselves here. 17 November is going to be an interesting day.

Peace,
Ram

Take us to your raid content

It's official. The new Alliance race in World of Warcraft are space aliens.

"The Draenei visited many worlds in their travels and explored much of the known cosmos on their quest to find safe harbor. During this exodus they befriended the enigmatic Naaru -- a race of beings with a deep affinity for the Holy Light of Creation that empowers the paladins of Azeroth."

Wake me up when this episode of the Twilight Zone is over. I'll stick with my moon shoes any day.

"It's kind of like trying to explain Final Fantasy VIII to a lemon."

So, I took the bate and decided to pre-order SiN Episodes: Emergence off of Steam. I've been kind of weary about it because A) I never finished the orignal SiN, and I don't really remember it's story or merrits, and B) I'm still sort of undecided about Episodic Content.

It's mostly the Episodic Content thing. I mean, it's not exactly a new concept. In fact some might consider the numerous Half-Life expansions to be more like Episodes then anything else, each one telling a different part of the same story. Some people relate it to add-ons for MMO's and online adventure games, but I don't really think they are the same thing. What worries me the most is that, especially in a genre like First Person Shooters, you're going to come across a lot of people who don't want to pay $20 for a six hour game, when they can pay $40 for 15-20 hours. Part of what made Half-Life 2 my favorite FPS is that it was long. Sure, the story didn't get any clearer--though ironically still a better conclusion than Halo 2--but you still got more out of the story then you would in one episode. Not to say that I have anything against having a story-arch over time, but games aren't made the same way TV shows are.

In a TV show, there are at least three or four episodes in a given season that touch on the main story-arch. Say each episode SiN Episodes--which is reportedly going to have each episode at least six months apart--has a piece of the story. Do you really want to wait at least six months for just one episode? Six months for six-to-eight hours doesn't really sound all that appealing.

Now I could be very wrong. I may play SiN Episodes and like it so much that six months from now I'll be pre-ordering on Steam from day one. I'm not going to say it's unlikely in anyway. The main difference here is that, much like a movie franchise, if one episode is good, but the next sucks, the third probably won't get as many viewers--or players, for those keeping track. In a regular game that is enjoyable, if one level is particularly frustrating or bad, you still have plenty of game left to make up for that crappy section. In an Episodic game, if one episode is great, and you wait six months just for a crappy level, you're going to be sorely dissapointed, especially since you won't have the rest of the game to tide you over.

These are all concerns mind you. That's not to say it can't work, and god knows I'm intrigued by it. If it does work, it could be a very interesting direction for the gaming market to go in. It would mean cheaper games, but also decidedly less content. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Peace,
Ram

Mornin', Kids.

Anyway, been a while since I had the time to toss down a post here. Been a busy week.

"How busy was it?"

I don't know...it was really fucking busy. For example:

1) I'm writing a novel: A group of us are taking part in our own National Writing Month. So, the plan is to write 50,000 words by the end of May. It is a battle of quantity over quality. And, unfortunately, I am about 5000 words behind, closing in on the end of the first week. Yee-haw.

Check out our quasi-official Novel Writing Site here for more super-exciting news from the world of rushed fiction.

2) I cleaned my apartment: I received a phone call from my landlady, saying that there would be someone coming in to look at the place the next morning. And, seeing as my living room was a mess, my kitchen has been condemned, and I haven't seen my bedroom floor since January, I felt it was time for cleaning.

At the end of it all, with only vacumming to complete, I realized that my vacuum cleaner needed to have it's bag changed. So I jet down to Wal-Mart (the only place I know of that carries the bags), only to find that they are sold out. Dammit. Alright, so I'll just get a little Dustbuster for 20$. Well no, that doesn't work - the damned thing keeps a charge for a total of five minutes, and the bloody cord isn't more than two feet long.

And this, boys and girls, is how I ended up sweeping my carpet with a broom. That's right. I used a combination of a household broom and a cloth to push any dirt from my living room floor in to the kitchen, where I could fully sweep it up.

I'm a genius. Like McGuyver.

3) Saw a Movie: Two, actually. Stick It and Mission Impossible: III. Only paid for one, though. So, tune in tomorrow, when I let you all know which one of these turd nuggets was the least dreadful to watch.

String,
Lilwall

I carry a lot of weight around the office

There are certain perks of being an assistant manager. I came to work without pants today. The manager thought it was hilarious. I remained pantless for the entire shift.

Confessions of an Embittered Mind: The Pussification on the ESRB

You know, last year, when the whole "Hot Coffee-Gate" scandal hit last year, I was all for the ESRB's decision to change the ratings of the orignally released versions of GTA: San Andreasfrom an "M" rating--for "mature", or 17+--to "AO"--for Adult Only. It was something that Rockstar had forgot to leave on the editing room floor, and they got fucked for it. What's worse, they lied about it being there, claiming it was the work of hackers, untill they got busted for that too. While I think crazies like Jack Thompson and more-right-wing-than-she'll-admit-too Hilary Clinton went a little to far on the subject, I think the ESRB's decision was warrented.

Then again, I could be wrong. Apperantly the ESRB's new target is Bethesda, makers of the now ubiquitous and life-consuming The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. From the ESRB's statement, they have decided to change Oblivion's rating from "T"--13 and up--to "M", due to ""more detailed depictions of blood and gore than were considered in the original rating" as well as "the discovery of a locked skin allowing players to make their on-screen female heroes topless. A third-party modification unlocks the skin in the PC version."

The ESRB is really dissapointing me here, especially after it's talk last year after Hot coffee about being unbiased and, unlike the National Institute for Medan and the Family, unmoved by outside political pressures. The only reason they are doing it is because of Hot Coffee. According to Bethesda, the ESRB was well informed about the game's content in terms of portrayal of violence--which, quite franly, is no where near as graphic as say, God of War, or Resident Evil. That's not to say that developers don't bullshit, but frankly I can't see Oblivion, of all games, being the next gaming scandal.

Which leaves us with the whole nudity issue. Let's get one thing straight, here and now: as long as there are modders, and free downloadable SDK's, there will be third-party mods. And as long as there are taboos on things like nudity, sexuality, or "bathing-suit areas", there will be mods that make virtual women-folk have virtual gibblies. There's nothing you can do to stop that. So, what's it going to be? Are we going to take a well-touted element of games like Oblivion by prohibiting modding all together--and if so, does that mean the Mrs. Pac-Man centerfold is on hold? Or is the gaming industry finally gonna grow some balls and defend itself here? I mean, just a few months ago we had gay cowboys on the big screen, viewed by millions upon millions of people. No one batted an eyelash. What would happen if a game had homosexual narritives in it? You really think guys like Jack Thompson would skip a beat before claiming it a crime against children?

I guess I can take some solace in the fact that Bethesda got it right by not backing down. They can't exactly change the ESRB's decision, but they aren't going to change their game, neither. This is an industry that self-regulates its rating system, as well as damn near every other system it has to regulate. If, in its most critical hour, it's going to bend to the will of the God-fearing God fearers, then we may as well give up now. Frankly, I don't want to be around for the day that Mario gets rated "M" for depictions of drug use.

Peace,
Ram