Ten Thousand Monkeys

Prosit Neujahr!

2007-01-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve, Christmas, Remembrance Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Labor Day. My excuse has been little more than having nothing to post about, as well as general laziness. Here's hoping that a new year will bring a whole new opportunity to consider posting while not actually doing so, and just being generally useless!

While this is a short update at the encouragement of my cohort, Mr. Lilwall, I'll try to get some more relevant items up on the blog in the coming weeks. Until then, I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and probably Mother's Day.

Fuck upside-down Christmas trees.

A Rebirth, a Death, and a Crotch-shot

2006-12-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for an apposite topic to come along to impel me to dig deep into the earth and yank this simian site out of the grave and back to life, like a euthunised chicken.

Now, there obviously has been a lot of earth-shattering news in the past little while. (With a little bit of air-time and ink wasted on the day's minor stories and "news.")

But, when this news tidbit found it's way into my mailbox, it seemed right to revitilize 10K Monkeys with a bit of sobering news.

R.I.P Mr. Barbera. You will be missed.

For those that are interested, Wikipedia has a comprehensive list of all the work that Hanna-Barbera did together. The usual suspects are of course there, but there are a few surprises that I didn't know the two animation masters had their hands in. (Like Pirates of Dark Water, which helped foster my childhood love of pirates and pathological fear of living, malicious water.)

So, I leave you with this, good friends.

Sneak preview: I'm going to see if I can get this other primates posting again. I think I can get Kendrick riled up about something.

Regards,

Lilwall

"Beware: may cause interdimensional radioactive monster-causing creature to appear..."

2006-08-23T11:12:00.000-06:00

So it would appear that, for the next 12 months, Xbox 360 is the only place you'll be able to play a decent game of futball (or soccer, for you north Americans. Of which I am one).

Now, before I continue, I will concede that neither Fifa '07 or Winning Eleven were announced for the PS3 or Nintendo Wii, so a part of this is probably Microsoft's spin. That being said, this is still a pretty big deal, in my opinion, at least as it relates to those consoles. For one, EA wouldn't just "decided" not to release a copy of one of their staple franchises on two next-gen consoles--or one next-gen, one new-gen, if you prefer--for no particular reason. One reason could be because Microsoft through heaps of gold coins at them in bags marked with dollar signs. It's very likely, and a smart move on their part. They know they can't beat Nintendo and Sony in Japan, so they try to tighten their grip on the North American and (more so) European markets.

Then again, I think the length of this deals exclusivity is a bit more telling. For one, this is not the first multi-platform release that has been held back a year on the PS3. Could it be a sign that EA isn't quite sure about the PS3 and Wii? Perhaps they're unsure of the financial viability of rushing development for the two consoles at launch, considering the increasing development costs. Could also be a sign that the PS3 is indeed more difficult to program for than the other consoles, which developers have been whispering? Either are likely. In any case, this is a win for Microsoft, no matter how big or small.

God I love speculation.

Peace,
Ram

2006-08-08T09:35:00.000-06:00

You know, over the last couple years I've tried to ignore the argument that PC Gaming is dead, or dying. I don't really buy it. People look at NTP numbers and think, "1-2% fluctuation in sales? PC gaming is over!". Over the last couple of weeks, however, there have been a couple claims, that really piss me off to the point that I must break my silence on the subject.

Now, I can understand why Michael Russell may say what he said. I mean, his game did not do anywhere near the kind of sales they were hoping, and considering it wasn't all that great to begin with, I'm betting he wanted to come up with a decent excuse for its failure. So sure, blame piracy, it works for the music business (see: sarcasm). But ID? What possible reason could ID have for making this argument? Doom 3 was one of the highest grossing games in 2004. What good are you doing to the PC community when you and your fellow developers are telling us that our platform is dying...because of us?

I think it's time we looked at a few facts. First of all, PC gaming is not the only place in the industry where piracy exists. I could go to China Town right now with $30CND in hand, and mod my PS2. Then I can go, rent a game--oh, lets say Okami, since it looks awesome--for about $5, burn it on a DVD, and be on my mary way of owning playing as many PS2 games as I like for about 10% of the retail price. Not to mention, since there are more consoles per house than gaming PC's these days, how many of those do you figure have been modded? You think maybe, just maybe, console gamers are just as bad for piracy as PC gamers are?

Secondly, PC game sales over the years have always been stable, if not marginally increasing. In terms of growth, online sales and microtransactions have completely transformed the way the PC market works. For one, MMO's are a huge cash cow. With 6 million players, I really doubt Blizzard is having a hard time racking in the dough. Direct to Drive formats like Steam, and EA's "Download", have also been able to generate plenty of sales without hurting the retail market. And if you want to talk about the games themselves, you don't really need to look further than Spore to see the ingenuity of PC games--though, if you want to look further, there's always Oblivion, Gothic 3, Dawn of War, World of Warcraft, Half-Life 2, Galactic Civilizations, Civ IV....you get the picture?

That's not to say that PC gaming is in perfect stability. There's are a few reasons that PC gaming hasn't been able to garner the kind of sales that the console market does. Sure, piracy is a factor. I never said it wasn't. But there are other, much bigger factors at work here. Lets consider the fact that there are fewer developers willing to work on PC games than console games--at least ones that aren't doing multiplatform. If you look at the sales stats over the last two years, you'd see that there were way more console games released than PC games--though the PC games, like Half-Life 2 and Doom 3, were the more anticipated games. Or how bout the fact that retailers don't give a shit about pc games--I should know, I work for one. Have you been to an EB Games lately? The pc section is tiny, and usually in a dark corner with small movement space. So tell me, how can a platform defend itself when both retailers and developers are completely ignoring the market?

It really makes me shake my head when a company like ID, whose roots are deep in PC gaming, tries to make a case for the toe-tagging of the PC market. Way to help the cause.

Peace,
Ram

"...So would Mel Gibson think that Microsoft was like the Jews of the tech industry?"

2006-08-02T22:31:00.000-06:00

So it would appear that Ziff Davis--the publishing house that owns 1up and it's accompanying magazines--has announced an "integrated media
collaboration" with Microsoft to rename Computer Gaming World(CGW) magazine. The magazine will stop production and will return in the fall as Games for Windows--presumably to be the voice of Microsoft's crusade to bring PC gaming back onto it's rightful thrown.

It doesn't entirely surprise me, considering Ziff Davis has been reported to have been scouting for buyers for its assets. I guess CGW was the first to go.
CGW Editor-in-Chief Jeff Green clarified the change in a posting on the CGW message boards"

The bottom line, however, is that this is a GOOD thing. We will all miss the "CGW" name...we are going to be the same staff, writing the same articles, with the same point of view...Microsoft has NO say over our editorial content, and, in fact, it's part of the legally binding contract that they not interfere. So it's not even just a gentleman's agreement -- it's a legal reality...Microsoft is seriously upping their commitment to PC gaming. That's a good thing. And do I mind being a part of that? I do not. Not at all. And when they fuck up, we're gonna be right there, calling them on it. I promise.

If it was any other group of people, I'd probably call bullshit. But if there's any group to put faith it, it's 1up. Well, them and PC Gamer. But I do wonder if this is any indication as to what direction the other magazines will go in. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Do I hate it? Nah. Am I a little concerned? Sure. But only time will tell.

Peace,
Ram

Paving over the road to Mecca

2006-07-31T20:54:00.000-06:00

Earlier today, I received some news that made me die a little inside. Seriously, that's not a dramatization. If gaming was a religion--which is technically could be--E3 would be its Mecca. Gamers from all across the globe made the trek to LA, in order to catch a glimpse, take a peak, and be graced by the presence of gaming genius. They would cram into a small auditorium, packing it so tight that you could barely move, and become a part of the craziness. It was my dream to, one day, be a part of that craziness; to make that trek, and find myself amongst the masses of sweaty gamers with calloused thumbs. Today, that dream died.

Ok, so that was a dramatization.

I guess it makes sense. I mean, over the years, journalists and publishers alike have become increasingly bitter and jaded towards the whole affair. I guess after doing it over and over every year, the novelty of it dies. Realistically, E3 hasn't been healthy for the industry in a very long time. The whole community seems to stop entirely before and after the thing, with a massive rush of information in a three-day span in between--kind of like the speed up of events after massive lag. The cost of doing business has also increased dramatically for everyone involved, which means setting up events/booths/tech demos has become alot more expensive and even more time consuming. I'm not sure I agree with the idea that it takes away from development time for game publishers--anyone who watched the PS3 press event this year can attest to the fallacy in that argument--but it definitely puts a lot of pressure on them to perform with what they really may not have. It also potentially means a more consistent stream of news year round, though I'll wait to see if that actually happens; I'm extremely skeptical.

But who gives a shit about realism? This was my dream, damn it!

Yeah, that's right, I said it. E3 was my dream. It may be shady, but I didn't care if I had to do the "friend-of-a-friend-who-works-at-EB" thing. The road to Mecca was my destined path, and suddenly it's like it no longer exists. The defining moment for thousands of gamers, that "first time" that no one but us would understand, is suddenly...gone. It's a generation split really. Those who have been, and those who will never be. The latter is where I now sit--which sucks, since I was supposed to go this year.

The penny-pinching from publishers and developers means that, at least in the near future, it will become less of a trade show than more of one. Instead of turning it into something like Comi-Con, and charging people for admission, booths, and closed-door demonstrations, it's becoming what it was originally intended to be: an industry event for industry insiders. Though I find this kind of ironic, because gaming has and always should be about the gamers, not just the gaming "industry". What was once an opportunity for up-and-coming journalists/designers to become part of the elite and test their metal, has now become another isolated event in a line of events designed to keep the John Q. Gamer out, and only let in those who are worthy--in other words, pay them enough.

Then again, who knows. It'll be a few months before any tangible details are revealed. It still hurts though. A lot.

Peace,
Ram

"Well, excuse me while I toot my own horn. Not like anyone else'll do it for me!"

2006-07-29T12:02:00.000-06:00

So I am now the second person I know that has been featured on Google News. Unfortunately for me, I was not told of this until a few days later, so I have no visual evidence. But it happened, I tells ya! My Prey review for the Gateway was featured on the front page of Google News, for some undeserved reason. But I'll take any recognition I can get. It got me a bunch of hits on the Gateway site, so it's a good start.

Though, lately I've become very frustrated by the idea of being "in the know." Gaming is a harsh mistress to be taken seriously in, for the simple fact that you always have to be searching, reading, commenting, making sure your voice is heard. You make it your goal to have your questions be "Question of the Week" on whatever podcast/website/magazine you read/listen to. You can never sound stupid; you can never ask questions you don't already know the answer to. Message boards are key. If you don't sound smart, you're a "noob" and no one takes you seriously. I actually had someone say to me, "You don't read fucking Famitsu!?" like it's some sort of crime, or makes me any less credible a candidate for writing about the coveted industry that no one outside our circle really gives a shit about.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not so jaded/lazy as to stop keeping track, paying attention. My friend Jin, who's an aspiring music producer, said to me, "If it's truly your passion, it shouldn't feel like work." And for the most part, it doesn't. But I can't help feel out of my element. Maybe it's because I've only recently begun to take this whole thing seriously; to consider it a viable career path. I just don't like the idea that someone thinks their better than me because they have more entries on a message board; or that I feel less knowledgeable than the guy who has more entries on a message board than I do. But, hey, I guess I'm taking a step in the right direction.

Peace,
Ram

"All American Hot Dickings"

2006-07-21T22:41:00.000-06:00

This is so goddam funny. Just...just so fucking funny.

Once again, it's time to kick shell

2006-07-21T02:22:00.000-06:00

I, am so, freakin, ready for this.

This whole concept of a CG TMNT movie has been floating around for a little over a year now. At some point Ang Lee was connected to it, I think. Finally, it's seeing the light of day, and from the (very short) sound of it, it's going to be the same voice work as the new TV show.

Which, by the way, I actually like. The people I talk to give it flak for not having a technodrome, or Krang--well, it does technically, but not really--or Dimension X. But the reason I like it is, frankly, because it doesn't have those things. I mean, original TMNT was about Generation X'ers, and cowabunga, and being a wise ass while driving flying convertible. I mean Krang was always like your crazy grandmother, and Shredder was totally portrayed as a "Square". Which was fine, for the early 90's.

But that formula doesn't work anymore. Hell, it barely worked when they made that obviously transitional TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze, with Vanilla Ice. I think that if they tried to recreate the original series, it would feel like TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze. TMNT III was alright, though it had one-too-many penis jokes, considering they're turtles.

I think the new series works really well in a lot of ways. Firstly, it has all of the likeable elements of "The Next Mutation"--a short lived live action TMNT show made in '97/'98. While it was a terrible Power Rangers rip off--ironic, since they made a guest appearance on Power Rangers: In Space, the show had good writing, and focused a bit more on mature themes without having to throw in cock jokes or anything like that.

What the new TMNT does best is have long-standing story archaic. There are plenty of characters that show up every so often that are really interesting, but there are also ones that are always there, and the relationship the Turtles have with these characters seem to develop everytime. It's sort of like Gargoyles to me in that way, because the writing is really sharp, and keeps the viewers interested and makes them think 'bout it on a deeper level than most cartoons--like say, Duck Dodgers, which is still fucking awesome.

The characters are also a bit sharper. Casey Jones isn't just a random sadomasochist who sports a Jason mask--well, not after the first few episodes--and April O'Neal isn't just some dumb rain-coat wearing bimbo reporter who Lois Lane could eat for breakfast. April is actually smart, and the way they write her and Casey together is perfect. They also did a really smart thing by making Raphael the loose cannon instead of having two wise-asses.

Also, the new TMNT is just on a much larger scale. They've already traveled space a bunch of times, gone to a Battle dimension, and are now apparently heading to the future for the fifth season. This show is awesome, and it actually makes me really happy to know it's out there, because TMNT and Gargoyles are actually two shows that really contributed to my sense of style and geekyness, and I would hope that kids have something other than Spider-Riders and Yu-Gi-Oh-My-God-This-Show-Sucks to watch.

Peace,
Ram

Prey Review

2006-07-20T20:25:00.000-06:00

Ten years ago, 3D Realms--the creators of the popular Duke Nukem franchise--announced an ambitious shooter entitled Prey, a game that followed the storyline of a Cherokee man who gets abducted by aliens. At the time, it stunned the gaming community with its ingenious Portal technology, boasting doorways that opened out of thin air and transported you to different parts of the map. Almost a decade later, Prey is finally upon us, and time has done wonders for it.

You play as Tommy, a Native American ex-military brat whose sole wish is to escape the Native reserve he and his girlfriend Jen live on. As he tries to convince her to leave the reserve with him--despite the wishes of his grandfather, who wants him to embrace his Native heritage--the three of them are abducted by aliens and must escape the alien sphere that is wreaking havoc on the earth. The action unfolds around you in real time without any cut scenes, all the while following Tommy's perspective. His struggle is always kept pertinent by his comments on the situations surrounding him during play. Great voice work is also used all around, including an appearance by famed conspiracy nut Art Bell, as himself.

Prey's most unique features are its manipulation of gravity, and, of course, the Portal system. The game toys with gravity in a couple different ways. Some rooms have switches that you can shoot, directing gravity towards whichever wall the switch is on, and others have catwalks that allow you to walk up walls, hang upside-down and disorient you in ways you wouldn't imagine. And, just when you think you've gotten the hang of things, the game throws plenty of obstacles your way, forcing you to combine Portal travelling, wall-walking and gravity flipping in order to make your way through the alien ship. These features also make for some intense multiplayer action, though the limited types of play--death match and team death match--make the multiplayer feel somewhat like an afterthought.

Both of these features fit nicely with the level design and general ambiance of the alien ship. The game makes effective use of the Doom 3 engine to create eerily organic environments and some impressive graphical feats, combined with expansive outdoor settings which you traverse in a shuttle, reminiscent of the old Descent games. Oddly enough, the gravity flipping very rarely feels contrived or out of place. However, the hallmark Portal system is used somewhat ineffectively. Since the game has a linear level design, the Portals are really nothing more than flashy doors'not to say they're unimpressive, but you get the feeling that they could have been a lot more interesting.

The organic design of the game's visuals also takes a hold of the weapons in Prey. Although they're used in the same way as any conventional shooter, almost every weapon in the game seems like it could have a mind of its own. Your grenades, for example, are actually these little insects that explode when you rip off one of their limbs. There's also a chain gun that's literally an alien arm, as well as a leech gun that drains energy from certain energy nodes that provide various types of ammunition. The real beauty behind these weapons, however, is that unlike most shooters, each weapon is only really effective against certain types of enemies, obliging you to think fast when there's more than one kind of enemy coming your way.

Being kept on your toes is good, since there's very little in the way of challenge in Prey. While the action never really lets up during the game, the enemy AI isn't all that sharp. Some of your enemies will take cover or try to grenade you on occasion, but in general they all exploit the Portal system to pop up anywhere and everywhere in large waves. Though it avoids the "monster closet" effect that Doom 3 had, it often feels like the enemies just aren't enough--either that or you were trained in the military for alien hunting.

It also doesn't help that death is sort of a non-event in the game. Early on, Tommy is taught by his grandfather to "spirit walk"--to leave his body and travel as a spirit. This, like gravity flipping, is mostly used as a puzzle-solving device. However, it also allows you to survive death, taking you to a spirit realm where you must shoot at red and blue wraiths to regain your health and spirit before you are transported right back to where you died. This is all done seamlessly, but it also takes away much of the challenge. Death becomes more of an annoyance than any real threat.

Despite these gripes, Prey is still an entertaining game with some unique innovations, an immersive if not borrowed storyline--stick around after the credits roll--and plenty of action to keep you going. While there are certain elements that feel unfulfilled--like the use of Portals, and the rather shallow use of Native American mysticism--Prey is a game I can easily recommend.

Peace,
Ram

"people often underestimate the deadliness of Ben Franklin"

2006-07-08T01:32:00.000-06:00

Lately I've come across some heated debates as to whether or not cut scenes are a good way to display a story in video games. It should come as no surprise that this has become a fairly popular topic over the last few months. I mean, just a little while ago, there were many discussions as to whether or not videogames can be considered art. It seems logical that a conversation would arise about the nature of interactive art. Do non-interactive cut-scenes--like FMV's, for instance--pull the player out of the experience as a whole as it attempts to tell a story? Can developers express a deep narrative without slowing down the pace, or removing interactivity? Is there some sort of happy medium?

Cut-scenes aren't new. God knows that the Final Fantasy series wouldn't have been as ridiculously impressive during the Playstation era without it's beautiful FMV sequences--especially Final Fantasy 8. Of course, it doesn't stop at FMV's. Many games now use pre-rendered cut-scenes using the in-game graphics engine--the Metal Gear Solid series being the key example. The purpose of these sequences, for the most part, is to display a gripping story. The argument against it, however, is that it pulls the player away from the game. By removing interactivity from large portions of the game, you are crossing the line between game and movie. The end sequence of Metal Gear Solid 2, for example, was a half-an-hour long period of exposition by the characters, with literally no interactivity whatsoever. It becomes even harder to defend cut-scenes when games like Oblivion, or a better example, Half-Life 2, are able to tell captivating and well written stories without ever taking the control away from the player.

Personally, I am a proponent of cut-scenes. I could never really understand the idea that cut-scenes take away from a game rather than add to it. The thing I love most about the Metal Gear Solid series has from the beginning been its amazing use of the in-game engine to create gorgeous sequences that tell a deep story. Personally, I am a proponent of cut-scenes. I could never really understand the idea that cut-scenes take away from a game rather than add to it. The thing I love most about the Metal Gear Solid series has from the beginning been its amazing use of the in-game engine to create gorgeous sequences that tell a deep story. God knows the game mechanics are nowhere near perfect, and I'd probably argue that the Splinter Cell games are probably more fun to play. But Kojima has always pulled me back in by being a great storyteller. The problem, I think, comes not from creating more of a movie-like sequences--though FF8 certainly gives fuel to that argument--but rather, from games that may have impressive cut-scenes, but on the whole are just really bad games. It'd be much easier to argue for cut-scenes if they didn't so often feel like an attempt at distracting you from how crappy the game actually is.

Now, that's not to say that cut-scenes are a must. As companies like Valve have proven, it is possible to tell an interesting story without taking away control. But to say that cut-scenes are passe, or needless, I think is kind of ignorant. I mean, could you imagine a world without Manny Calavera? Because that’s what you get when you completely ignore games with good cut-scenes. There will always be a place for them, especially if games are to be considered more than just mind-numbing solutions for twitch junkies. I think that they're an essential tool for story-telling in a game, and should always be there.

Peace,
Ram

"Set Phasors to Snowballing", AKA "Ribbed for your pleasure, since that cunt does none of the work"

2006-06-28T01:02:00.000-06:00

The trailer for Spider-Man 3 is up. Anyone who doesn't get goose-pimplies has no soul.

I'm still not huge on the whole "Foreman is Eddie Brock" fiasco--I never did like the Ultimate Spider-Man take on Venom--but i'm hoping that, at least for this movie, it doesn't matter. I haven't read up on it in a while, but last bit of info I did read was that Eddie doesn't turn into venom untill the end of this movie, setting him up as the villain in Spider-Man 4. If that's true, then at least we won't have to deal with too much Topher Grace, and get plenty of once-again-conflicted Peter Parker.

Plus, who doesn't fucking love Venom? I mean c'mon!

Peace,
Ram

Prey - A preview

2006-06-26T00:26:00.000-06:00

One game I've been really amped about the last little while is Prey, an FPS from Human Head and 3D Realms--of Duke Nukem fame--which has been in production for, like, ever. Pretty much as long as Duke Nukem Forever, except this game actually exists. Being the huge FPS fanboy that I am, the unique features that this game is bringing to the table--namely one-sided portals and gravity flipping--have me totally jonesed. The demo came out Thursday, and it seems to be shaping up quite nicely.

The story in a nutshell is this: your play a Cherokee man named Tommy. He hates the Indian reserve he currently resides in and wants to escape it as fast as possible. His girlfriend refuses to leave with him, and his grandfather--who's name in the credits is "grandfather"--is desperately trying to make Tommy embrace the ways of his ancestors. Soon after the game begins, weird green lights start shooting down from the sky and suck you, your girlfriend, your grandfather, and the bar you're sitting in up into this giant spherical spaceship above earth. It's up to you to find a way to save your friends and escape the ship. The demo runs you through the first five levels, giving you a small taste of what is to come.

Graphically, this game is fairly impressive. Human Head has taken then Doom 3 engine here and gave it a serious overhaul. The weird, lumpy character models from Doom have been tweequed quite nicely here, so the humans actually look like humans. Prey's visuals are structured entirely around a very organic design. The ship itself looks like a living, breathing entity, complete with pulsating walls and random oozing orifices. Even the weapon designs are uniquely organic. The first weapon you get is a sort of automatic pistol with which you are able to zoom by having this little snake-like creature lach onto your eye. It makes for some very immersive gameplay.

One of the main concerns I had with this game was the combat. Doom 3 had some very lame enemy AI--which didn't know the meaning of cover, somehow knew exactly where you were at all times, and "shocked" you by predictably zapping in as soon as you pick up health packs--and since Prey is using the same engine, it had the potential to fall into the same trap. However the AI is definitely better here, though still nowhere near the caliber of Half-Life 2. In the demo, there are only about four different types of enemies, and only one of them every actively attacks you. The others only come at you if you attack them first--though that doesn't make them weak in any way. One of them can't be killed by a headshot--if you try, it's head will pop right off, and he'll still keep gunning for you. However, unlike Doom, your enemies actually strafe and take cover this time, as well as shoot at you around corners--which for some reason, you aren't able to do. It's not a huge deal, but some people I've talked to find it really irritating that your enemies have a basic function that you don't, even though your character was supposedly trained in the army.

But it's the unique features of that game that had me jonesing for this demo. The main one of these that Human Head has pimped out the hardest is Portals. A little hard to describe, so allow me to use a visual aid:

Essentially, these portals allow you to seamlessly teleport to a completely different section of the level with no load time or other interruption. The demo sports two different types of these: one being circular rips in nothingness, the other appearing as regular doorways. However, both of these can only be accessed from one side. If you were to walk around to the back of a portal doorway or rip, it simply won't be there. It's pretty cool stuff, and they use it quite well in the demo. There's also gravity flipping, which is pretty freakin disorienting, let me tell you. Early on in the demo, you come across a lit-up catwalk that scales the walls and roof of the room you are in, and allows you to walk up it and all around the room. Also, there are rooms that have certain switches you can shoot to flip gravity around, which gets pretty freakin in multiplayer, since there are people in every direction gunning for you. It will be interesting to see if Human Head can actually create an environment with 360 degrees of danger.

I am super amped about Prey. My only hope is that Human Head hasn't blown all of it's cool tricks on its five level demo, and still has some really unique stuff up their sleeves. The game comes out July 10.

Peace,
Ram

"Our fathers were our models for god. If our fathers failed..."

2006-06-20T11:25:00.000-06:00

I've been pretty introspective lately. There are a lot of things about my life that I have only begun to realize over the course of the last six months that, due to my so-called "1/5-life-crisis", have forced me into a state of hibernation, a five minute ritual I now go through every morning: one of short-lived paralysation that feels like it has lasted an eternity. I find myself clinging to the ideals of Fight Club and its slings at less-than-adequate father figures; becoming repeatedly consumed by The Suicide Club, desiring its 59 pages of nihilistic integrity and relating to the desperate cowardess in its patrons.

I become terribly annoyed by people--a large majority reeking of dishonesty, disloyalty, feces. Saying one thing, meaning another, and vice-versa. Claiming things like "love", and "respect", acting as if they're mutually exclusive, and becoming angry when you reciprocate. Instead of telling you what's bothering them, they treat you as if they "put up" with you, like their friendship is a cheap christmas present wrapped in newspaper clippings of a brutal homicide.

Who knows. I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and be right as rain. I'll wake up regretting this article about as much as the last time I made out with someone. I'll remember that I probably sounded pretentious and emo. I'll give myself five minutes to question my passions as a gamer/writer/techno junky. I'll think I should probably go to the library instead of finish my Oblivion quest. I'll wonder if I'll ever finish that novel, or if I'm going to be one of those washed up souls who does technical support for Dell, my dreams of being a writer fading away like the memory of a dream. I'll wonder in a neurotic fervour whether or not my friends are saying shit behind my back about something stupid I may have done/said that made me look childish. I'll wonder why she said she never wanted me to change.

Then I'll pick myself up, like I do every morning, when those five minutes are over. I'll look in the mirror, laugh at myself a little, and realize it's not all that bad. It could be much worse.

Peace,
Ram

Half-Life 2: Episode One - A Review

2006-06-07T10:40:00.000-06:00

Playing Half-Life 2 was an interesting experience for me. It was one of those games that, after playing it, it was hard for me not to compare all future FPS games to it. For me, it didn't just raise the bar, it became the bar-and although I probably liked it a bit more than most, it's hard to deny that it was one of the best FPS games of all time. Months of anticipation later, Valve has finally released Half-Life 2: Episode One the next chapter in Gordon Freeman's fight against the Combine, and for the most part it keeps up the standard that Half-Life 2 set. Since this game is Episodic, it is significantly shorter than the previous games in the series, while adding nice little touches to nearly perfect the formula

Episode One begins right where it's predecessor left off, with Gordon and Alyx surviving the explosion at the end of Half-Life 2. Gordon has been freed from the G-man's control, and the story mostly revolves around Gordon and Alyx fleeing from City 17. Valve's storytelling is still as cryptic as ever, though, since you never get a full explanation as to who the G-Man is, or his relationship with Gordon, and there are plenty of new questions left unresolved at the end of this chapter.

While the story may leave you wanting more, the gameplay more than makes up for it. You'll find all of the same great action from previous Half-Life games. All enemies from Half-Life 2 are here, as well as two new additions: Stalkers, which are physically mutated humans--think the Borg but less cybernetics--and Zombines, which are Combine soldiers who have been zombified by head crabs. The Zombine are an interesting breed, since they'll come at you with grenades kamikaze style. The Combine soldiers are also a bit sharper this time around, with increased variations in their tactics, making it harder to telegraph their movements.

However, the combat in Episode One is made significantly unique by having Alyx accompany you throughout the entire game. Valve's use of NPC AI really shines here. While Alyx's main job is to cover your back, she very rarely gets in the way. She has her own unique set of moves, is always aware of what's going on around her, but isn't invincible, which creates a nice balancing act throughout the game while never feeling like she's getting in the way. The half-assed squade battles from the end of Half-Life 2 are perfected here.

One of the hallmarks of the Half-Life series has been its scripted events, and this is no different in Episode One. There are plenty of memorable moments and scenerios in the game that provide a constant sense of danger and action. All of the original voice cast has returned, and there is a lot of great anhumorousus dialogue. Having Alyx there to comment on each new situation is a simple touch that brings a surprising level of depth to the story and all around gameplay.

The game also looks and sounds as great as Half-Life 2 did, except this time Valve haincorporateded High Dynamic Range (HDR) lighting into the engine. Essentially, this gives each type of light source in the game it's own strength and range of lighting, with the intention of accurately representing the wide range of intensity levels found in real scenes, ranging from direct sunlight to the deepest shadows--so light from the Sun will be stronger and have a wider/longer range than light from, say, a candle, and the form and shade of shadows in a given environment are directly affected by the type of lighting. This new addition does wonders for the look of the game, and basically perfects the already incredible graphics engine of the series.

If there's one real beef I have with Episode One, is that, despite all the nice new touches, it often times feels like more of the same. Since the game is mostly played in the Citadel and inner City 17, you're getting about the same level design as the last five-or-so hours of Half-Life 2--which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just not al that new. This makes sense, since it's only about a five hour game, but it's paced so well that it doesn't really feel like it's over to quickly. It's definitely a nice addition to the franchise, and a must have for fans. Hopefully the next episode will add a bit more variety to the level design.

X-Men 3: The Last Stand - a film review

2006-05-31T22:01:00.000-06:00

Going into X3, I cannot say with a straight face that I went in with the highest expectations. I mean, this movie has gone through more directors than Sharon Stone, was directed by Brett Ratner--of Rush Hour fame--and was at one point reported to have mutant hookers. I'm sorry to say that my suspicions of this movie going to suck were accurate. As a huge fan of X-men, and being extremely pleased with the previous films in the series, I was going into it with high hopes, but low expectations. I'm sorry to say, my apprehension was well founded.

BE WARNED OF SPOILERS

I'm not denying that I may be a bit biased on the subject, but that doesn't mean that the movie was a total flop. On that note, let's start with what the movie did well. The opening Danger Room sequence was something I actually approved of. For X2, Bryan Singer had designed a much smaller set for a desired Danger Room sequence, and I wasn't really a fan of the idea. But Ratner does a good job with it. In fact, All of the special effects and action sequences were particularly good. Also, the writers did do an excellent job of using mutant powers--for the most part--and having numerous cameos--the sentinel head being my particular favorite.

However, that's about all the good I could find in this movie. Lets start with the writing. For some reason, the writers of this film--which weren't the same writers as in previous films--appeared to have never read a single X-men comic, and had no prior knowledge of the characters. First off, they completely ruined the Dark Phoenix storyline. Instead of Jean Grey being possessed by an alien entity, she is the victim of a "dual personality" caused by Professor X using mental blocks to control Jean's powers. This basically craps all over the original storyline, and the character, because it makes "Phoenix" into a bratty child that is mad at her father figure. Secondly, Rogue's character is completely messed with by being made to take the "cure"--which is stupid, considering that in the comics, she refused the drug, and actually destroyed it. The writer Thirdly, Magneto would never leave himself undefended in a war zone like that--this was well established in the very first film.

Which brings me to my next point: almost every stylistic design that Singer created in the first two films are completely ignored by Ratner's direction. I mean, I understand that different directors will make movies in different ways. But, other than the Magneto example above, Singer also established in the first film the fact that there would be no usage of the costumes from the original comics. Yet, when Beast--portrayed perfectly by Kelsey Grammer--puts on his suit, it is actually his costume from the cartoons and comics. It may sound nitpicky, and on some level it is. But the fact is that this movie as a whole is ignoring and missing elements that made the first two unique and spectacular in their own right.

Someone brought up the point to me earlier that adding story elements like Dark Phoenix being an Alien, or that Juggernaught was not really a mutant, but had a magical stone that gave him his power, would be too difficult to write in a film of that length. And in the case of juggernaught, I would agree. But the thing that made the first two movies so great was that they took risks. None of the films were 100% faithful to the original storylines, but where the first two films felt like a step forward in a fresh direction, this film felt like a step back. It lacked the same emotional impact that the first two had--frankly, I felt more sad when Jean died in the second film then when Prof. X died in this film--and in the end, left me unsatisfied.

Which is sad, since this is reportedly the last film in the series. There will be both a Magneto and a Wolverine prequel, so the X-men aren't quite done yet. But, if by some chance, they do make a fourth X-men film, I hope that they either A) redo this film, or B) since Magneto still apparently has his power at the end of the film, they use a simple "turns out the cure wasn't permanent" deal and completely ignore Ratner's debacle--since ignoring established story-line points is what Ratner does best.

Peace,
Ram

Intermission

2006-05-29T21:33:00.000-06:00

Hasn't really been a lot of action going on with this blog, so this is just a tiny update. Most of my fellow monkeys--that being Lilwall, MiketheGreat and Masamax--are moving out these next couple days, so they're pretty wrapped up. I, on the other hand, am in Ottawa, nations capital, for some much needed R&R--though I guess visiting my sister is kind of counter productive. In either case, I'll be back next sunday, and when I arrive, I will be doing a very long and detailed photo-journal blog entry of my entire trip. So get excited for some slide-show-style parlimentary awesomeness.

P.S: If you've never been to montreal, I suggest going. I still hate frenchies, but that city, and everything about it, is freaking amazing. I can't wait to bum around there one summer.

Peace,
Ram

"An episodic sociopathic lagomorph. The mind boggles."

2006-05-19T11:14:00.000-06:00

Anyone else excited?

Holy...Crap...

2006-05-17T00:34:00.000-06:00

This is by far the best thing I've heard so far this year:

Heat: The Game

If there was ever a reason to buy a 360, this is IT people! L.A. Bank Robbery..fuck...Val Kilmer...Deniro...Pacino...fuckin...best..game...ever.

God I love Michael Mann

Thoughts on Punching Taints: A Threat.

2006-05-15T00:15:00.000-06:00

Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
u couldn't beat me up if u tried
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
which u didn't
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
I could beat you up.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
Nah
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
I'd just punch you in the taint.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
Between my ballsack and asshole!?
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
Thats what i said.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
You'd totally go down for the count.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
lol how the fuck would u reach it?
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
Tell you that i need 2 give you a blowjob
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
then uppercut your taint.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
It might be worth it.
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
To see you fall down from me punching your taint.
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
K, that wouldn't really hurt that much
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
It would be like punching my arm
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
...did you just punch yourself in the taint to test?
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
lol...not punched exactly
Ram -...if crime fighers fight crime n fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?...rug life says:
I AM wearing shorts, so, easy access
"You are a waste of pants!!!...wait.. what?? OHHH waste of PAINT!" says:
LMAO

"I have only one thing to say: EMotion."

2006-05-14T23:07:00.000-06:00

Well, E3 is good and done now. There are tons of games I want to cover, but we'll get to that in a different post. This post is about one thing, and one thing only. The Sony Press Conference. It's a long watch, so if you aren't interested, I'll give you a shortened version of the key points that pissed me off.

Firstly, the demos they showed, sucked. Last year, the whole Killzone fiasco didn't really help them, but the first teaser for Metal Gear Solid 4 at TGS did wonders for them. However, none of the demos they showed at E3 this year were really all that impressive. The only one that looked decent was Heavenly Sword, which was essentially a spiffy God of War with better visuals.

Then of course, there was, how did they put it, "Six Degrees of Freedom." Last year, at E3 '05, Sony unveiled the prototype for the PS3 controller--not a popular design, though I actually liked it. Sony, at the request of their rabid fans, decided to redesignit. At some point rediculousley close to E3, Sony also decided that, Nintendo's motion sensor idea was such a threat, they would steal it. Only, not only did they steal it, and not improve it, they would make it worse by having obviousley less functionality. Also, they would give it to the Warhawk guys the weekend before E3. Almost every developer working on a PS3 game had no clue about it untill the bloody press conference! What does it say about a company when, six months untill launch day, they scramble and shove this half-assed, ripped-off idea down the system's throat?

But their greatest offense was the pricing. So, lets see. Microsoft came out with two different packages for the Xbox 360. Sony will release with two different packages. The cheaper 360 bundel, $400 CND. The cheap PS3 bundel, $600 CND. The Premium 360, $500 CND. Premium PS3, $700 CND.

Now, as insane as that pricing is, it makes sense for the simple fact that the Blu-Ray drives are not cheap by any means. My problem is the actual difference between the two bundels. The $600 "retard pack", comes with the console, a wired controler, a 20gb internal hard drive, no HDMI support, less USB ports, and no Memory Stick slots. The $700 pack comes with a 60gb hard drive, HDMI support, more USB ports, and a Memory Stick slot. Now, my first question is, what the hell is the point of Blu-Ray without HDMI support? What's the point of developing this high-defnition proprietary format that shoots up the price of your console to the point where a very small number of people will buy it, and then not provide your cheaper version with the ability to actually fully utilize the format? The next question to follow would then be, if you aren't going to provide that obviousley necessary component, why design the cheaper version in a way that doesn't even allow the consumer to buy accessories for it? Everything on this console is internal, which means there's no ability to install a larger hard drive, or add HDMI support, or use Memory Sticks. Fucking genius.

To put it simpley, Sony scrambled. Their online service is basically Xbox Live--not to say that is a negative thing, because that's basically what Sony fans wanted anyways--their controller is the Wii-mote but shitty, and their console costs way more than the average gamer is going to ever be able to afford. $700 for just the console? You realize that buy the time the PS3 comes out, you will be able to buy a 360 Premium bundel for $400 CND, a couple wireless controllers, a play-and-charge kit, and a couple of games for the cost of a PS3? Maybe if they could show us which of their launch titles--none of which have been announced--is going to be their $700 game? I love Metal Gear Solid, but there's no way I'm paying that much to see Snake commit suicide.

It's kind of sad when Peter Mooore, the macho alpha-male hancho of Xbox 360 can tear into Sony and not have to fear any sort of backlash. Sony's really fucked themselves here. 17 November is going to be an interesting day.

Peace,
Ram

Take us to your raid content

2006-05-11T02:03:00.000-06:00

It's official. The new Alliance race in World of Warcraft are space aliens.

"The Draenei visited many worlds in their travels and explored much of the known cosmos on their quest to find safe harbor. During this exodus they befriended the enigmatic Naaru -- a race of beings with a deep affinity for the Holy Light of Creation that empowers the paladins of Azeroth."

Wake me up when this episode of the Twilight Zone is over. I'll stick with my moon shoes any day.

"It's kind of like trying to explain Final Fantasy VIII to a lemon."

2006-05-06T18:19:00.000-06:00

So, I took the bate and decided to pre-order SiN Episodes: Emergence off of Steam. I've been kind of weary about it because A) I never finished the orignal SiN, and I don't really remember it's story or merrits, and B) I'm still sort of undecided about Episodic Content.

It's mostly the Episodic Content thing. I mean, it's not exactly a new concept. In fact some might consider the numerous Half-Life expansions to be more like Episodes then anything else, each one telling a different part of the same story. Some people relate it to add-ons for MMO's and online adventure games, but I don't really think they are the same thing. What worries me the most is that, especially in a genre like First Person Shooters, you're going to come across a lot of people who don't want to pay $20 for a six hour game, when they can pay $40 for 15-20 hours. Part of what made Half-Life 2 my favorite FPS is that it was long. Sure, the story didn't get any clearer--though ironically still a better conclusion than Halo 2--but you still got more out of the story then you would in one episode. Not to say that I have anything against having a story-arch over time, but games aren't made the same way TV shows are.

In a TV show, there are at least three or four episodes in a given season that touch on the main story-arch. Say each episode SiN Episodes--which is reportedly going to have each episode at least six months apart--has a piece of the story. Do you really want to wait at least six months for just one episode? Six months for six-to-eight hours doesn't really sound all that appealing.

Now I could be very wrong. I may play SiN Episodes and like it so much that six months from now I'll be pre-ordering on Steam from day one. I'm not going to say it's unlikely in anyway. The main difference here is that, much like a movie franchise, if one episode is good, but the next sucks, the third probably won't get as many viewers--or players, for those keeping track. In a regular game that is enjoyable, if one level is particularly frustrating or bad, you still have plenty of game left to make up for that crappy section. In an Episodic game, if one episode is great, and you wait six months just for a crappy level, you're going to be sorely dissapointed, especially since you won't have the rest of the game to tide you over.

These are all concerns mind you. That's not to say it can't work, and god knows I'm intrigued by it. If it does work, it could be a very interesting direction for the gaming market to go in. It would mean cheaper games, but also decidedly less content. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Peace,
Ram

2006-05-06T00:32:00.000-06:00

Mornin', Kids.

Anyway, been a while since I had the time to toss down a post here. Been a busy week.

"How busy was it?"

I don't know...it was really fucking busy. For example:

1) I'm writing a novel: A group of us are taking part in our own National Writing Month. So, the plan is to write 50,000 words by the end of May. It is a battle of quantity over quality. And, unfortunately, I am about 5000 words behind, closing in on the end of the first week. Yee-haw.

Check out our quasi-official Novel Writing Site here for more super-exciting news from the world of rushed fiction.

2) I cleaned my apartment: I received a phone call from my landlady, saying that there would be someone coming in to look at the place the next morning. And, seeing as my living room was a mess, my kitchen has been condemned, and I haven't seen my bedroom floor since January, I felt it was time for cleaning.

At the end of it all, with only vacumming to complete, I realized that my vacuum cleaner needed to have it's bag changed. So I jet down to Wal-Mart (the only place I know of that carries the bags), only to find that they are sold out. Dammit. Alright, so I'll just get a little Dustbuster for 20$. Well no, that doesn't work - the damned thing keeps a charge for a total of five minutes, and the bloody cord isn't more than two feet long.

And this, boys and girls, is how I ended up sweeping my carpet with a broom. That's right. I used a combination of a household broom and a cloth to push any dirt from my living room floor in to the kitchen, where I could fully sweep it up.

I'm a genius. Like McGuyver.

3) Saw a Movie: Two, actually. Stick It and Mission Impossible: III. Only paid for one, though. So, tune in tomorrow, when I let you all know which one of these turd nuggets was the least dreadful to watch.

String,
Lilwall

I carry a lot of weight around the office

2006-05-05T22:35:00.000-06:00

There are certain perks of being an assistant manager. I came to work without pants today. The manager thought it was hilarious. I remained pantless for the entire shift.

Confessions of an Embittered Mind: The Pussification on the ESRB

2006-05-04T18:14:00.000-06:00

You know, last year, when the whole "Hot Coffee-Gate" scandal hit last year, I was all for the ESRB's decision to change the ratings of the orignally released versions of GTA: San Andreasfrom an "M" rating--for "mature", or 17+--to "AO"--for Adult Only. It was something that Rockstar had forgot to leave on the editing room floor, and they got fucked for it. What's worse, they lied about it being there, claiming it was the work of hackers, untill they got busted for that too. While I think crazies like Jack Thompson and more-right-wing-than-she'll-admit-too Hilary Clinton went a little to far on the subject, I think the ESRB's decision was warrented.

Then again, I could be wrong. Apperantly the ESRB's new target is Bethesda, makers of the now ubiquitous and life-consuming The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. From the ESRB's statement, they have decided to change Oblivion's rating from "T"--13 and up--to "M", due to ""more detailed depictions of blood and gore than were considered in the original rating" as well as "the discovery of a locked skin allowing players to make their on-screen female heroes topless. A third-party modification unlocks the skin in the PC version."

The ESRB is really dissapointing me here, especially after it's talk last year after Hot coffee about being unbiased and, unlike the National Institute for Medan and the Family, unmoved by outside political pressures. The only reason they are doing it is because of Hot Coffee. According to Bethesda, the ESRB was well informed about the game's content in terms of portrayal of violence--which, quite franly, is no where near as graphic as say, God of War, or Resident Evil. That's not to say that developers don't bullshit, but frankly I can't see Oblivion, of all games, being the next gaming scandal.

Which leaves us with the whole nudity issue. Let's get one thing straight, here and now: as long as there are modders, and free downloadable SDK's, there will be third-party mods. And as long as there are taboos on things like nudity, sexuality, or "bathing-suit areas", there will be mods that make virtual women-folk have virtual gibblies. There's nothing you can do to stop that. So, what's it going to be? Are we going to take a well-touted element of games like Oblivion by prohibiting modding all together--and if so, does that mean the Mrs. Pac-Man centerfold is on hold? Or is the gaming industry finally gonna grow some balls and defend itself here? I mean, just a few months ago we had gay cowboys on the big screen, viewed by millions upon millions of people. No one batted an eyelash. What would happen if a game had homosexual narritives in it? You really think guys like Jack Thompson would skip a beat before claiming it a crime against children?

I guess I can take some solace in the fact that Bethesda got it right by not backing down. They can't exactly change the ESRB's decision, but they aren't going to change their game, neither. This is an industry that self-regulates its rating system, as well as damn near every other system it has to regulate. If, in its most critical hour, it's going to bend to the will of the God-fearing God fearers, then we may as well give up now. Frankly, I don't want to be around for the day that Mario gets rated "M" for depictions of drug use.

Peace,
Ram

Coal Miner's Fodder

2006-04-27T11:35:00.000-06:00

So, last weekend, myself and my fellow primate took a trip down to one of the local film houses to take in a moving picture show. Our choice? Why, it was Silent Hill. Based on the horror-survival videogame series of the same name, the film tells the story of Rose, a woman whose adopted daughter, Sharon, is constantly sleep-walking and having nightmares about a town called Silent Hill. So, to get some answers, the pair go trucking down to West Virgina, where the town of Silent Hill has been abandoned since a fire started in the coal mines under the town. Upon arriving in the town, Sharon disappears. Rose and random highway cop Bennett must search through the creepy town to find her.

Also, there are monsters. Lots of them.

Anyway, reviews of the movie have been mixed. Some love it. Some hate it. Most fall in that middle road. So, we assembled a crack team of reviewers, using a strict list of criteria. 1) They had to see the movie. 2) They had to have an hour to write up what they thought about it. 3)They had to be a writer for this blog. Or, at least related to one.

So, without further ado, we'll start this off with our special guest reviewer, Morgan:

"The good:
I was terrified. I was horrified. I was disturbed. I was shaking and clutching at shirt-sleeves.
Highlights:

How LONG it took for anything to happen once she was actually in Silent Hill. It's nice that the director took his time with it.

The eyes of the dude on the chain-link fence. Oh. My. God.

The darkness made me want to hide. Like, inside my purse.

THE MONSTERS! Oh Heavenly God! Oh Mother of the Baby Jesus!

The bad:
One thing I like about the horror genre is that it's a type of action film where a female protagonist is not only acceptable, but almost expected. But why--with the exception of a few notables (Sigourney Weaver in Alien, Sissy Spacek in Carrie, Naomi Watts in The Ring etc.)--why do they always seem to cast these blank-slate pretty girls who make me want to scream when they, I dunno, talk? Now, I'm not saying the actress can't be pretty (Naomi Watts anyone?) but can she at act too? (Though to be fair, the actress playing Rose sure could scream and cry well!)

In any case, casting a bad but good looking actress does NOT help your movie--especially if the dialogue is badly written and the leaps in logic aren't exactly that logical.
Okay, you're saying--"Logic? Morgan, it's Silent Hill."

I dunno...it just makes me laugh when a character is shocked for being put under arrest for speeding away from a cop after being pulled over. I mean, sure, get angry at being arrested--your kid's missing in Scaryhelltown, you've got more important things on your mind--but I don't think you’d be confused as to WHY said cop would be putting you in cuffs. It just made her look...really dumb.
And I'm sorry. "We're going to get through this" and "It's going to be alright"? Really? Phew! I was worried for a second there--Oh look! A thousand flesh-eating cockroaches with human faces!

These kinds of movies always work better when you don't know what the fuck is going on, and true to form, once the mystery is gone the movie goes downhill really, really fast. There's no more tension and no more suspense. Is she gonna die? Do I really care? Can the director get the extras to stop writhing for five seconds???

Anyhow. Yeah, the climax kinda degenerates into a gore-fest with shitty dialogue.

"You burn anything you don't understand!" Bleah! Now imagine it said with the petulance of a ten-year-old."

Parsopolian treats the film a little more kindly, reminding us just how bad video-game movies can really be:

Going into Silent Hill, I told Scotty Bomb and Lilwall that I didn't expect it to be amazing, or for it to bomb. Rather, I expected it to be a step in the right direction for game-to-movie adaptations--and that's exactly what I got.

Director Christopher Gans captures the style, visuals, and sounds of the game with almost too-perfect accuracy, without every making it feel like you would have needed to play the games in order to appreciate just how creepy and distorted this town is. The movie is paced very well, and though my fellow monkeys might tell you that there's too much exposition in certain scenes, I would have to disagree. The story works well, and the ending leaves the audience with a little to think about.

It definitely has a few flaws though. The protagonist is completely unbalanced--half the time she's a scared bimbo, and the other half she's Jill Valentine--and there is some dialogue that doesn't need to be there--including the last ten minutes of the movie. Despite all of that though, Silent Hill is definitely a step in the right direction, and gives me hope that the days of Uwe Boll cluster-fucks are at an end.

Speaking of cluster-fucks, Scotty-Bomb felt the ending could use a bit of work:

Now, I'm a big fan of Silent Hill, and a big not-fan of video game based movies. Frankly, my heart has been broken one too many times. So, understandably, I went in expecting disappointment, and hoping for anything other than disappointment. Happily, I wasn't disappointed. The movie delivered in almost every respect.

First and foremost, it was true to the source material. Almost reverential, in fact. I'd go so far as to say that non-fans of the games might be a little lost -- the way Serenity may have lost non-fans of Firefly. For fans like me, though, it was refreshing to see.

Secondly, it was deeply atmospheric. Admittedly, this is an aspect of the game and they wanted to remain true to the games --see above--but frankly, rich atmosphere is a MUST for a good horror story. And Silent Hill really delivers this with a punch. Long portions of the movie were devoted to Rose just running around the town, and I loved these parts. The town was wonderfully imagined, and the parts where it descends into the "Darkness" were both terrifying and disturbing.

Thirdly, the monsters were great. Again, right out of the game, but with good reason. The game monsters were all terrifying because they were so perfectly designed. They really are the disturbing constructs of an enraged child's psyche, like the broken toys that protect it. Some Silent Hill 2 monsters slipped in, but I didn't find that bad as many of them had disturbing medical undertones, and it was appropriate to the plot.

Now, I still thought there was some bad to go along with all this not-disappointment. Frankly, the ending was weak. I won't spoil anything, but for those who've seen the movie, we'll call it the Church Scene. Not the first one, I mean THE Church Scene. That's when the movie really turned for me, and the rest of it seemed both rushed and… well a little out of character from the previously established Rose. I was even willing to forgive the scene prior where the back-story was basically spelt out for those who decided not to follow the plot, but the Church Scene...well it really pulled me out of the story. I was also very under whelmed by Sean Bean's part in the plot. I felt he could have been tied into the ending much more meaningfully, and that he was ultimately wasted by the writers -- especially because it was a good performance from Sean Bean!

In the end, the movie came together a little too hastily, and a little too neatly, in an unsatisfying way. The Silent Hill games always left a little ambiguity at the end, never really explaining everything. This way, the gamer would have something to mull over when it was all over...I guess that movie-goers would much rather have everything spelt out for them, than be left with something to talk about.

MikeTheGreat thought the movie was great, and the rest of you can go to hell:

Say what you will of the stigma surrounding video game movies. Silent Hill combines realistic horror with a chilling script to violently eviscerate all cliches of the genre and produce a disturbingly satisfying transfer.

The film tells a complex tale of purgatory and redemption with an ever-present fear of authority. The characters are real. The best moments of the film come from the torturously terrified performance of Rose; as a viewer, you truly feel as if she is about to become the next victim of the film's own sadistic bloodthirst. Late in the movie, there are points where the drama feels slightly forced, but the action is never too much that it interferes with the plot.

Visually, Silent Hill is perhaps the most disturbing and spectacular film of its genre yet. Creatures of hellish nightmare are faithfully reproduced from the game, and they all feel unsettlingly real. The film only uses CG effects when necessary, opting for the more traditional latex makeup, and none of the effects ever intrude. They're seamless and beautiful enough to quench the thirsts of the most critical of gore fans, and the visuals never feel like a crutch to simply support weak parts of the script.

Perhaps its most impressive feat is avoiding the banality of traditional video game movies. While Silent Hill is not entirely cinema, it distances itself enough from gaming cliche to deliver two hours of sick and joyful entertainment. Though it isn't the first film to attempt this, it's the first to do it right. A new prescedent has been set, and we can only hope that future efforts will base their gaming films on the Silent Hill model.

Masamax wants you to know that not only did he enjoy it, but he ain't afraid of no ghosts:

As far as video game adaptations go, this one is way above average. Then again, the bar has been set fairly low with epics like House of the Dead, but none-the-less it is a relaitvely good movie. Although I never really felt scared in the movie, that's mostly because I'm manly. The movie is extremely stylish, and looks great, with quite a few very disturbing scenes, However, it has some real weak moments, mostly when it strays too far from the "Let's make the auidence wonder what the fuck is going on in this town!" to "Let's explain it to them in the most blatant terms we can!". I also felt it might have followed the games a little too closely for the movie format, perhaps losing some narrative focus, but still, after some of the crappy 'scary' movies I've had to sit through recentlly, this one is actually near the top of the list of recent films in that catagory. I think it would have been better without those explinations though, as one of my favourite movies of the past year, Hostel, was extremely effective at making you feel some dread (even me) due to the way it ended. I'll leave it to you to decide.

3/5

Finally, Lilwall could not come up with a clever comment for his own review:

For myself, Silent Hill was pretty much like waking up as a kid on Easter morning. The eggs have been gathered and your heathen family has continued their tradition of skipping church. And now you're sitting in the living room with mountains and mountains of candy before you. And you pledge "I'm going to eat ALLLLL this candy!"

And you do. The first hour is pretty good. You're eating chocolate bunnies and they're delicious. For the first hour of Silent Hill, it held on to me pretty interested. Save for a bit of a slow beginning, the visuals and the disturbing atmosphere created in the movie had me right in in that horror-movie sweet spot. I was scared, and I was loving it. It truly did capture the main thing that made the Silent Hill games scary -- you had no idea why all this scary shit was happening, so you couldn't even begin to anticipate what was around the next corner.

After the first hour of the candy binge, of course, you get start to hit that wall. The candy you are eating is the same, but it doesn't taste as good - it's starting to get to be old hat. A little too much of a good thing, and you start to lose interest. Of course, every once and a while your spirits are lifted when you find one of those wonderful cream-filled eggs. Pyramid Head was that cream egg. Creepy as all hell, the sword-wielding sadist helped the last half of the movie from slipping completely in to Been-There, Done-That territory. Other than that, you're thinking, "Sure, it still tastes good...but do I really NEED all this candy?"

And then, comes the end. All you have left are the shitty little ducks made of low-grade sugar. They'd make you sick on a good day, but after eating all the GOOD candy, they taste especially horrible. This is the Church Scene - overly dramatic, overly gory. Too much rushed exposition, and, going against the tradition of the video game series, far too much closure. One doesn't fully appreciate the first half of the movie, in which the narrative was presented primarily by visuals, until one realizes just how bad the dialogue is, and how bad the actors are at giving it.

Just like those little sugar ducks, the last ten minutes of Silent Hill makes you want to throw up when you're done. But, if you can stomach the absolutely horrible final binge, Silent Hill isn't a bad way to get your sugar high.

Long update, huh? Well, now it's over. Go away.

String,
Lilwall

Quick Retorts: Yo' MALM-a

2006-04-26T00:37:00.000-06:00

Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
Lookin at bedding in IKEA. i may go with like an all MALM set up
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Dude
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Do it
Ride on Shooting Star says:
Cause then I can sleep on your bed one day and say "I just slept with Ram's MALM"
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
....
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
fuck u
Ram -...I have to aberrate at my own vector...rug life says:
i'm finding a new one

"Dude, he just ripped out his fucking eye!"

2006-04-25T23:11:00.000-06:00

This video speaks for itself. I'm calling it now: Top five game of the year.

A chronicle of my day at work

2006-04-22T16:22:00.000-06:00

Work hasn't been easy since I assumed the title of Assistant Manager at the liquor store. The responsibilities that come with such a role far outweigh those of any position I've held in any prior jobs. I now feel a sense of accountability for the hours that pass without me so much as lifting a finger. It's different than the carefree attitude of being just a regular employee. The good thing is, a job with as much prestige as mine also has its perks. I now have one person under me, and boy, does that kind of authority feel great. With the manager out of town for a district manager's meeting this weekend, I'm the alpha wolf, and the weight of the store's prosperity falls entirely on my shoulders. That said, I invite you in to share a chronicle of what my day is like. Perhaps through this, you'll truly appreciate and understand the immense responsibility that comes with holding the role of the Assistant Manager.

9:55 AM - Arrive at the store.

9:56 AM - Check the back room, and stock the beer cooler.

9:59 AM - Realize the store is uncomfortably chilly, turn the heat up by a few degrees.

10:02 AM - Open for business.

10:03 AM - Sit down. Put feet on desk. Stretch.

10:04 AM - Tilt my head back. Rest my eyes. It's early, after all.

10:26 AM - Realize I'm beginning to sweat. Wonder why the hell I turned the heat up so high.

10:27 AM - Turn the heat off.

10:32 AM - First customer. It's a regular. He buys two of our cheapest 6-packs.

10:33 AM - Resume sitting.

10:51 AM - Consider making some coffee.

10:55 AM - Get up, make some coffee.

10:57 AM - Second customer. It's a regular. He buys a bottle of our cheapest vodka.

11:09 AM - A police car drives by.

11:16 AM - Go check on coffee. Wonder why it hasn't brewed yet.

11:18 AM - Realize it wasn't plugged in.

11:22 AM - Open some 30-packs of Bud and Coors, and repack them as 6-packs. This is cheaper than buying 6-packs directly from the suppliers.

11:29 AM - I finally have coffee. Wonder why I brewed it so strong. I can't drink this black.

11:31 AM - Realize we're out of International Delight. Put up “Back in 5 Minutes” sign and go to 7-11.

11:43 AM - Arrive back at the store, coffee creamer and Taquitos in hand.

11:44 AM - My coffee is cold by this point. Adding creamer makes it colder. I drink it anyway.

11:45 AM - Turn on my laptop, and watch an episode of Scrubs that Mike sent me.

11:48 AM - Another police car drives by.

11:51 AM - The lady with the glass eye comes in, and buys one of our cheapest 6-packs. I still can't figure out which eye to look at when I talk to her.

11:57 AM - A police car is now parked in front of the Health Food Store next door.

12:22 PM - Get some more coffee. It's better when it's hot.

12:31 PM - The police car is still sitting there.

12:43 PM - Customer enters the store and asks me about the Flames game last night. We discuss playoff overtime, and how grateful we are to see the shootout disappear.

12:49 PM - A maroon 4-door pulls into the nearly-empty parking lot and begins to drive in tight circles around a lamp post.

12:50 PM - The car is still circling. I wonder if he's getting dizzy.

12:51 PM - The car has now left the parking lot and my line of sight.

1:14 PM - The police car leaves the parking lot.

1:32 PM - Nature calls. Has the wrong number.

1:34 PM - Wonder why we're out of paper towels. Make a note to order more.

1:39 PM - Rummage through the drawers. Find a can of WD-40, lighter

1:41 PM - Wonder why I thought a homemade flamethrower as a good idea. Dispose of the charred papers, and hope they weren't important.

1:44 PM - Customer points out that I still have the “Back in 5 Minutes” sign on the door. Jokes that he's been waiting for half an hour. Would have been funny if the front of the store didn't have large windows, allowing me to see him pull up 30 seconds ago.

1:46 PM - Another police car drives by.

1:57 PM - Discover a stash of potato chips under the counter. They're labeled “Damn Good Chips”

1:58 PM - Discover that these chips are anything but “Damn Good.” Curse false advertising.

2:19 PM - Customer tells me he only has $10, and demands our cheapest beer. I direct him to the most popular cooler at the back of the store.

2:20 PM - Wonder what beer that sells for less than a dollar a can tastes like. Decide I'm better off not knowing.

2:28 PM - Burst into spontaneous air guitar to Rancid's “Ruby Soho.” The elderly couple walking by outside stares at me awkwardly.

2:30 PM - Ramin calls to inform me that I've been ditched for our Silent Hill viewing tomorrow, in favor of him and Lilwall seeing it with Bourgeois tonight. Begin digging shallow grave.

2:41 PM - Discover that the toilet is stuck in a state of eternal flushery. Attempts to fix it are in vain. This must waste a lot of water.

2:49 PM - Customer tells me he wishes he had my job. He doesn't realize how many dues I've had to pay in order to secure such an esteemed position.

3:04 PM - Decide to tinker with the toilet some more. Somehow manage to fix it, gaining a beginner's grasp of lavatory plumbing.

3:05 PM - Snicker to myself as I recall that the guy who invented the toilet was named “Crapper.”

3:17 PM - Darrell, the new guy, comes in. Gets my hopes up that I'll be going home an hour early. Says he's only stopping by to grab something, and will be back by 4:00.

3:18 PM - Curse silently

3:26 PM - A police car drives by. I begin to wonder if they found the bodies...

3:28 PM - A car is stopped at the intersection across the parking lot. I have a staring contest with it.

3:29 PM - It moved. I win.

3:33 PM - My curiosity gets the best of me. I set up the ladder and decide to take a peek above the ceiling tiles.

3:35 PM - That was boring.

3:45 PM - Customer Count: 12. Surprisingly high.

3:48 PM - I get my first rush as two customers enter the store at the same time. One of them is wearing a cordless phone around his neck. Not a cell phone, a cordless land-line phone. Wtf?

4:00 PM - No Darrell. I'll give him 15 minutes. I'm a just but fair leader.

4:02 PM - Darrell shows up. He's had some lunch and some beer, but he can stand, and I can go home. Another grueling day is done.

San Jose: The Hockey Capital of the World

2006-04-21T14:05:00.000-06:00

Not to many people would think about the Bay Area as a potential hockey powerhouse. However, the San Jose Sharks are a powerhouse this year. With two of the best players in the league in their roster and a fast paced game, they are a wild card out of the west that too many people have long ignored.

A lot of Canadians want to favour Calgary winning the western conference again, but I just can't see that being likely. There are two many x-factors on the Flames' lineup that require everything to go right. What if Mikka Kiprusoff gets injured? What if Phaneuf's inexperience costs them a large part of their offence? Of course, the possibility of Iginla being targeted by opposing defencemen and being injured as well is a severe risk!

I'm picking San Jose to go to the conference final, and taking the cup this year. The Senators will continue to be perennial chokers in my opinion. The only weakness San Jose has is in net. Nabakov has not played much this season, and although Toskala has been awesome, he has no playoff experience really. If Toskola can maintain the level of play he had in the regular season, the Sharks are a sure bet in my opinion to at least get to the conference final. Even if Nabakov must go into net due to injury or poor play, he still has experience and given the level of offense his team commands, may not matter.

The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word

2006-04-21T13:05:00.000-06:00

One thing you may hear often on this blog is the I enjoy rap music about as much as my fellow monkeys like to make fun of me for it. I've listened to rap music since I was about ten years old. Of course, back then I heard it mostly through the wall that connected my room with my sister's. In fact, It was probably her influence that got me hooked on it. Creative instrumentals, addictive beats, smooth melodies, but more importantly meaningful lyrics, all played a part in my genesis as a fan of rap music. Guys like 2pac, Biggie, Nas, EPMD, the underappreciated Arrested Development, and if you really want retro, NWA, were able to bring to the table a healthy combination of catchy club songs and meanigful, passionate, true-to-life lyrics about a world I knew very little about, and wouldn't have considered otherwise.

Though, I guess it was a different time for rap music back then. While the scene was marred by the same "hip-pop" bullshit that is the foundation for the industry's current regiment, it never felt quite as fake as it does now. Even guys like Kanye West--who preaches about justice, how the American government force fed black people Crack, and how George W. Bush doesn't care about black people--becomes more con artist than rap artist as time goes by. Don't get me wrong, I like Kanye. Late Registration was a great album--though, like I said, the only reason this album got the immense praise that it did was because after 1996, rap music went to shit. SinceNas refuses to make himself mainstream, Kanye is the general public's only outlet for rap music that actually tells some sort of story. However, when I read something like this, I start losing faith.

Read it, I'll wait. It's important.

Now, putting aside the fact that I read it in Dose, this kind of thing just...Well, insults me, quite frankly. It should insult everyone. Now, this may not mean much to the rest of you, but in the almost ten years I've been listening to rap music, I've never once said the "n" word--at least not in a context that wasn't "Dude, Kanye just marginalized the word nigger." I take pride in it because, as much as I can, I try to maintain a level of maturity and contextual awareness in my behavior.

obviously something 'Ye is missing from his repetoir of bought-and-paid-for lyrical prowess and an ego twice the size of Texas. I don't really understand what he's trying to do with this stunt. For one, he's pandering to the rich hipster white boy pseudo intellectual college students who love nothing more than to be considered "niggerish". These is the same ignorant fan base that basically decided for the rap industry that Jay-Z was the greatest rapper ever--which I could not disagree with more, but that's a different issue.

I guess it speaks to his ego to assume that, since he can tastelessly portray a black Jesus on the cover of Time, he can also take over the N-Bomb and use it however he pleases--which apparently involves comparing it to a high school hall pass. He can pass it around like a spliff, pass pass puff--but make sure you don't hog that shit, cause he can take it back as quick as he pleases. Like the slave masters that called his ancestor "nigger" and enslaved his people for hundreds of years, Kanye has taken the racist term for African people and is using it to enslave society's new "nigger". Essentially, Kanye has become the slave driver. His slaves? Ignorant wiggers and suburbanites who eat it up like corn bread.

Kanye West doesn't care about black people.

Peace,
Ramin

Welcome to Silent Hill

2006-04-20T18:11:00.000-06:00

Whenever someone asks me, "Scott, what's the scariest video game you ever played?" I reply "Silent Hill 2." Or at least, I would, because no one really asks me that question. But it's a good question. And it's the perfect answer.

Silent Hill 2 is, frankly, the scariest video game I've ever played. From the first moment of the game, to it's gripping finale, it never fails to deliver. We follow the very personal horror story of James Sunderland, who has been called to Silent Hill by his wife... who's been dead for several years.

James can't understand why this invitation came to him... for that matter, can't understand why ends up taking the trip to the quiet resort town where he and his wife Mary had their fondest memories. But one thing's for certain, something is terribly wrong.

Silent Hill, for James, becomes something of a purgatory. He is tormented by his memories and his own personal demons, and even meets a few kindered spirits on his travels... though their fates may been far more grim than his own. That, however, is mainly up to you. Does James learn to leave Mary behind and move on with his life? Or does he end it all in his grief? Your actions help decide.

With a rich atmosphere, a compelling story, and believable characters, Silent Hill 2 really is, in my opinion, the scariest game ever.

The fact that it also introduced the world to Pyramid Head also scores it some big points.

So imagine my mixed joy/horror when they announced that there was going to be a Silent Hill movie.

Look! Pyramid Head is on some of the posters! But I digress... joy/horror.

Joy, because my very favourite horror game was coming to the big screen. With the amazing story already built into the game, the movie had all the source material it needed to be amazing.

Horror... because I've seen other video game movies.

But today, I read this preview... and my hope is restored. I think I know what I'm going to be seeing this weekend. What can it hurt?

The Worst President in American History

2006-04-20T11:38:00.000-06:00

I love being sick. It gives me time to sit at home, drinking copious amounts of Vitamin C, and cruising the gentile waves of the internet. And where, friendly reader, does this surfing take me? Why, to American politics!

If there's one thing we Canadians love... it's other people's politics. Yup, we really don't care much for Canadian politics because, frankly, it's DULL.

But Americans? Wow! They know how to do politics. The scandals. The lying. The corruption.

So... just who IS the worst president in American history?

Animal Testing = Animal Cruelty

2006-04-19T14:23:00.000-06:00

We type-writer monkeys have a hard life.

Finals have prohibited us from doing too much posting, at the moment. However, I've taken time out of my studies--and by that I mean looked for an excuse to take time out from studying--to do a little updating of the blog, namely adding a new blog to the Migration. Outgoing A&E Editor of The Gateway and our good buddy Mike Larocque--bringing the count of mikes I know to four--has finally joined the new age of pseudo-journalism and created his own little blog. I hope you enjoy his ramblings--and bitchin pictures of Perfect Strangers.

Peace,
Ram

Thoughts on Creepy Transgender Dreams: A Conversation

2006-04-16T22:48:00.000-06:00

What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
LOL she is so werid
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
why
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
She had a dream she was a gay emo boy and found this really cute other gay emo boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And now all she can talk about is this imaginary emo boy she made out with in her dream
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
I thought she internally was a gay emo boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
AND she found a boy on deviant art who looks like her dream boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
who is also gay
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
lol nice
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
So now she made a fake MSN account as a gay boy
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And added dream boy
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
...what the fuck?
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Yes
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Exactly
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
So, what, she's going to pretend to be a gay boy, hitting on a gay boy, who she had a dream about making out with, as a gay boy?
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
Yes
What goes better with danger than gumballs? says:
And now she is using my msn picture as her picture
Ram -...you saw Dog Day Afternoon..if i'm gonna take it in the ass, i wanna be kissed first..rug life says:
as soon as he starts demanding naked pics, start demanding a paycheck

"You saw Dog Day Afternoon. If I'm gonna take it in the ass, I wanna be kissed first."

2006-04-15T09:12:00.000-06:00

Been a bit since I posted, but with finals, Oblivion, and social demands, it's been tough. I have seen a few things of interest though.

Firstly, looks like the X-Men movies will finally have a Danger Room . What does this mean for us uber-geeks who salivate at the combination of words "Danger" and "Room"? Either a really bitchin' training sequence...or a very awkward one. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been amazed at almost every step that has been taken with this film franchise, but the Danger Room is sort of an enigma. It's one of those things you just don't screw up. If it ends up looking mighty awkward, then I'd be very sad. I'm already anxious enough as it is, having Brett Ratner directing the show now that Singer decided to bail for the lesser super hero--yes, I said it, Superman is a shitty super hero. I mean, The guy who did Rush Hour? I dunno man. I'll still be there opening night, but I just may not dress up this time. Or, any time.

There's also some good news, and some terrible news. I'll give the good news first.

And by good news, I mean great news, because Ubisoft, developers for a dozen or so amazing game franchises--including Prince of Persia, Far Cry, Drakengard, Splinter Cell--are finally dropping Starforce, the company that provided them with a digital-rights protection software which has come under massive heat in the last few months. It's not really surprising, considering Ubisoft is being sued over Starforce's Digital Rights Management (DRM) software. A $5 million law suit is sure to break up any good relationship.

Frankly, I could not be happier about it. Starforce was a terrible system that, quite frankly, didn't work. I mean forget creating weakness in PC's, allowing them to be hacked, blah blah. The shit didn't even WORK. And not in the sense that it was easy to get around. I'm talking in the sense that half the time it doesn't allow you to play the game you've legally bought. Plus, after the whole Gallactive Civ thing, Starforce has pretty much lost every leg it had to stand on.

That doesn't mean Ubi's going to stop using DMR's though, just like Sony didn't after their whole DMR scandal. I have nothing against DMR, even being an admitted game pirate. It's just that, frankly, their aren't a whole lot of them that don't either screw up, or leave you exposed. We'll see where Ubi goes with this.

And, now the bad news. Blade, one of my favorite movie franchises--yes, I know it was a comic book first, and yes, I don't include the third one 'cause it was fucking terrible--has sunk even lower thank it did with Blade Trinity. It's now coming to TV. Spike TV, to be exact--terrible trailers for which can be forcefully viewed here and here.

All I can say, is what the fuck? First, Goyer kills all of Del Toro's work in Blade 2 with Blade Trinity--ohh, look, Ryan Reynolds being funny. What show was he on? Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place? Wait, you mean he's been playing the same character from that show, in every single movie he's been in? Really? What? You're shitting me. Also, terrible directing, terrible story, TERRIBLE Dracula, and Triple H.

Now they're bringing it on TV? Ok, breathe. It might not be that bad. I mean, it's Snipes, right? I'm sure he can salvage the character with his natural charisma...wait. Snipes isn't in it? Who is? STICKY FINGAZ!? The washed up rapper who played, get this a washed up rapper on The Shield? I mean, don't get me wrong, I liked his character on The Shield. But a rapper? As Blade? Fuckin hell.

I will end this by referring you to the title of this post.

Peace,
Ram

Climbing the Corporate Ladder

2006-04-14T02:41:00.000-06:00

Tonight marks a new personal record for me. Self-love jokes aside, I am a titan amongst men in the field of general awesomeness.

Sitting at home today, mere hours before my shift at the Liquor Store began, my phone rings. It's Duff, the manager. Yes, the manager is named Duff. And yes, he's the manager of a liquor store. OH YEAH!

He asks me if I want to come in an hour early. Having nothing better to do apart from browsing for amusing and stylish cloth hats for my warrior on the Cho'Gall auction house, I kindly oblige. At this point, he casually mentions that I've just become the store's new assistant manager. I must have passed some sort of test, because this just came out of left field. Or maybe it was the bullpen. I don't watch too much baseball.

I've been working there for all of 3 months now, having started in the middle of chilly January. In my prior occupations, I've achieved both quick and prominent promotions, though not at the same time. That is to say, I was promoted to Crew Trainer within a month at McDonald's, and at Movie Gallery, I made it up to the position of Senior Crew Supervisor, though it took a fair amount of time.

But assistant manager in three months? I must have really bested the competition. Having beat out both Terri, who quit on maternity leave, and that other guy, the guy who doesn't work at the store, is an impressive feat, to say the least. As competitive as I am, it's nice to have no realistic competition for once. Or in this case, no competition of any sort, at all, whatsoever.

Life is easy.

The fruits of this weekend's labor

2006-04-10T09:58:00.000-06:00

A music video for They Might Be Giants' Particle Man. I made this over the weekend. I had a lot of free time.

Thoughts on Michelle Kelly: A Conversation

2006-04-09T23:01:00.000-06:00

Mike - Rain! says:
do you think if I start listening to more Dave Matthews, I can serenade my way into her pants?
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
I doubt it.
Mike - Rain! says:
fuck
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
I hope she pepper sprays you.
Mike - Rain! says:
sometimes, I hate you
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And you'd be all like...MY EYES!
Mike - Rain! says:
I love facebook
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And I'd be like "Damn, yo."
Mike - Rain! says:
Interests:
Comics & Illustration, Writing, Video Games, Animation, Film, Hockey, Michelle Kelly
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And then we'd got to the hospital.
Mike - Rain! says:
GASP
Mike - Rain! says:
SHE HAS A FACEBOOK
Mike - Rain! says:
although, now that I've put her in my interests, it might be a little creepy if I add her to my facebook too
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And I'd go the the hospital cafeteria, and I'd order onion rings.
Mike - Rain! says:
I guess it's creepy that I've put her in my interests in the first place, but that's beside the point
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And then I'd be all like "YUM YUM MUNCH MUNCH BURP."
Mike - Rain! says:
I love how we're having two seperate conversations
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
And you'd be like...."I can't see, pass me an onion ring."
Mike - Rain! says:
Favorite Movies:
Lost in Translation, Amelie, Whisper of the Heart, Spirited Away, The Princess Bride
Mike - Rain! says:
Why can't I just marry this girl now?
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
But I wouldn't let you have ANY. Cause I love onion rings.
Mike - Rain! says:
Oh Michelle Kelly, lead me not into temptation...
.Scott Lilwall - This Essay Is Of Low Quality. says:
That would be the best day ever.
Mike - Rain! says:
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap

"You are not your fucking Khakis..."

2006-04-08T00:23:00.000-06:00

[UPDATE] I was very tired last night. All of the proper corrections should be made now.

Everywhere I go, I'm always asking people if they know Tyler Durden.

To me, Fight Club was more than just a movie about some frat boys who read a little too much Nietzsche. It means a lot of different things to me. I watched it when it first came out and I didn't really get it. It was 1999--I didn't get much of anything back then. However, a friend of mine bought it for me during Christmas, and when I watched it, suddenly so much became clear. Everything about not having a father figure, hitting bottom, accepting fate--all of that struck very true chords for me. Hell, maybe it's because I'm only a pseudo-intellectual, or like to relish my self-awareness. Whatever it is, this movie speaks to me on a lot of levels.

One thing Dan was mentioning the other day about it was that, for all its ideas about anti-establishment and growing up and what it really means to be a man, it say a lot about how our society (or at least, society at that time) is really very static. I mean, from the 1930's to the end of the Cold War, and maybe even a little later, the western world was in a constant state of social change. Things like prohibition, affirmative action, Vietnam, the Berlin Wall, all of them marking tides of change in the world. Now, those tides have settled. Things don't change anymore. Some could argue that 9/11 changed America. Has it really though? I mean, something tells me Bush would have tanked that country with or without Saddam and Osama. There are so many suicide bombings they don't even faze me anymore. It's like the number of deaths have just become numbers. It's numb, a nothing, a non-event. Maybe that's a little morbid, but it is how I feel.

Now, I say "our society" because though most of the people reading this are in the western world, I think it applies to every nation. I mean no one ever really considers South Africa, or the genocides in the Congo, or any of that. But it's all about looking at the history. The Belgians started a chain of events that has lead to one of the largest on-going genocides in the history of existence. And I love their fucking waffles, too.

I bring it up because it seems to me that we've finally come to that point in the cyclical nature of, well, nature, that we have begun actually criticizing and analyzing the way our society has become. It may be sad that I find most of my inspiration in movies like Fight Club, or The Matrix, or The Graduate (thank you Dan for recommending it). I guess to each his own (though internally, I still feel bashful when telling someone a movie inspired me to speak). But movies like Lord of War, or V for Vendetta, are movies that have similar opinions on the subject. Movies like Lord of War do what Scarface did--both in 1932 with prohibition and 1983 with cocain--by showing an inside look at a subject most people would only look at with a narrow mind.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, I doubt I'm the only person who feels like the world is waiting for something, or someone, to motivate them. 9/11 didn't do it, I'm not sure what or who will. But something's got to give. Maybe in another 10 years, someone will step up and change things. Until then, I guess all I can really do is keep going to the movies.

Peace,

Ramin

Sometimes, these things just speak for themselves

2006-04-06T12:12:00.000-06:00

This is just great. This is one of the many reasons why, when I was a kid, I wanted to be Japanese when I grew up.

Sadly, that never happened.

For these kids, though, their dreams came a little closer to blooming than mine. You know, until they got trapped in a cave and had to be rescued...

'Karate kids' rescued after Japan mountain quest

Putting You on Notice

2006-04-05T14:29:00.000-06:00

Is there something or someone that you want to put on notice? Has someone made you so angry at them, that you consider them dead? Want to tell the WORLD about it?

Welcome to Snubster.

Basically, this is a networking service that allows you to publicly vent your frustrations on... really anything. In the way that was made famous by Stephen Colbert, now you too can put New York Intellectuals "On Notice."

Enjoy,
Scott

And lead me not into temptation

2006-04-05T10:23:00.000-06:00

Well, this is it. The official end of the world. Repent, all ye sinners, for the day of reckoning is upon us.

Of course, I'm talking about the new Apple Intel deal. I've been an avid Mac-hater my entire life, and have never had reason to use one. They're flashy and impractically expensive as far as I can see.

Then, they announced the new cheapest with Intel technology. Nifty. I'm still not impressed.

But this...this, my friends, is huge. Ever heard of Boot Camp? No, silly, not the Kubrick Asylum of Full Metal Jacket, but the new Apple breakthrough.

That's right, I used "Apple" and "breakthrough" in the same sentence.

Need answers? Read this page. Do it now. Here it is again, in case you missed it:
http://www.apple.com/macosx/bootcamp/

WINDOWS ON A FUCKING MAC

Now I never have to go back! The warm familiarity of a PC operating system, combined with the speed and stability of a Mac. I can get the best of both worlds!

Oh jeezus, I'm not sure what to think of this. I think I may have to convert. I may have to turn to the dark side. I too, may have to become a sinner and walk the path of the pretentious man, and buy a Mac as my next computer investment.

I think I just died a little inside.

Sweatin' to the Moldies

2006-04-05T01:32:00.000-06:00

My apartment is hot. Not in the way that it is great, or hip, or happening. I am talking in a strictly climactic way. I've got the thermostat down as low as it will go. I've got the windows open. The fan is on. And still, it's 90 degrees (32, for those of you who are Centigrade-inclined.) Not a hyperbole. in any way. That's the actual temp. It's like a sauna. Except I have to pay rent. And there's stuff on the floor.

Speaking of disgusting: I found a little present that my roommate left when he moves out a month and a half ago. It was one of the drawers in the refrigerator that I never use. I'm not quite sure what it might have started out as. Cheese perhaps? A kiwi of a smallish size? All I know is that it has recently been classed as a newly discovered ecosystem. Colonization can begin. Thank you, Ryan. Thank you so very much...

And I want this all down on the written record. Just in case I die of heat stroke during the night, or am swallowed whole when the mold-blob beast escapes from the triple-garbage-bag prison I locked it in, I want it to be known how I went out.

Also, I want somemthing witty or, barring that, vulgar placed on my tombstone. It's a dream I've had, ever since I was a kid.

String,

Lilwall

Female-ese

2006-04-04T21:18:00.000-06:00

I was recently talking to a friend of mine who is a girl, and she was discussing a tiff she was having with her boyfriend. Essentially, they got into a fight, and an expected trip to Calgary that he invited her to she uninvited herself from in a fit of anger. The old "Fine, I won't go to Calgary then!" He asks if she is sure, and she gives the old "Oh no, it's fine, just leave me here, I will be fine." She then proceeds to tell me that the correct thing for him to do is go "I want you to come, please come."

My problem with this is two fold. First off, how the hell is he supposed to know what the hell she wants? I never understood why coming out and telling someone the truth always ends up getting you in trouble, and at the same time guys are supposed to be able to interpret when no means yes and yes means no. I'm sorry, but yes means yes, and no means no, unless she has just consumed some roofies, in which case no means yes. I generally don't know too many guys that do this, as it seems a mostly female phenomenon. How are we as suitors supposed to learn such an irrational method of communication? The worst is when it's via an electronic method, like MSN. Maybe in person I can see the upset look on a girl's face, the fake look of acceptance. On MSN I can't even tell if I am being truthful or sarcastic, let alone other people!

My second problem is the way she expected him to emasculate himself in that way, essentially attempting to win the argument by forcing him to beg for her and thoroughly whip himself in the process. I understand that some people like to be in control in a relationship, but seriously, it's a ridiculous thing to ask or expect from someone.

/end rant.

-Smith

If only Comedy wasn't so funny...

2006-04-04T02:35:00.000-06:00

I am very poor at keeping a schedual for TV. I always end up playing videogames or looking at porn through my favourite shows, and ussually I am screwed. However, the Comedy station ussually plays my favourite two shows, The Daily Show and The Cobert Report, much like most of their shows, twice. My problem is, by the time it hits 1AM, and I am getting tired, I swear as I look at the clock and realize I missed my shows. But then it comes to me, if I only stay up another hour and a half I can see them again, which translates into another two and a half hours total of me being awake, and less sleep.

Thus, I'd like to come out and blame all of them for me sucking at school. My teacher's don't even accept it as extra credit towards my Poli Sci degree. Mother-fuckers! At the very least I should be excused from classes that it has content towards, like my international relations class. I mean, I really do learn as much from John Stewart as I do from most of those profs. Maybe it's because I'm always asleep. Oh well.

I Am Not Posting Right Now

2006-04-04T01:08:00.000-06:00

I realized that I had a homework assignment due tomorrow morning. 11:00 on the night of is the best time to find these things out. For that reason, I didn't create the post I intended to. It was mocking Ramin and his piracy. Needless to say, it was brilliant.

And, while I probably could finish it before logging off for the night, I have elected to watch Futurama instead. So, now you all know where you stand on my list of priorities. If it makes you feel any better, it's the one where Bender turns in to a werecar. So, it's a good one.

But, as to not leave you unamused, I suggest you check out the official Extreme Accounting website. That's right. It's a sport where you jump out of an airplane, and then proceed to balance your chequebook while falling from a few thousand feet.

And they want to make it to the Olympics.

For particular hilarity, check out the Games section. All the thrill of Extreme Accounting without the extreme....or the actual accounting.

So long, suckers!

Lilwall

"What's the perfect gift for a Ninja? Gift-Cards!!!"

2006-04-02T22:26:00.000-06:00

Ever since I started working at Compusmart, I've had a growing level of dissonence about game piracy . My boss is a huge stickler on any kind of softwar piracy--and I can't really blame him, since software is part of how he pays for his bread-and-butter.

However, for many years now, I have been a game pirate. I mean, console games can be rented, but PC games can't. I mean there are some backwater web pages that will offer it to you, but let's face it: most of those sites are useless. You end up paying more than a regular console game rental, and in my case, if I have to rent the game, I'm probably not going to buy it. Not to mention, there's really no method of blocking any sort of access to a PC game onces it's on your system, save some bullshit like Starforce--which a whole other argument all together. Piracy is just easier. For me, if I download the game, I'll play it for a day or so, test it out, and if I like it, I'll buy it. If not, I'll delete it. No harm done, right?

But of course, it's not that simple. It's a circle really. If games could be returned, I wouldn't need to pirate them. Then again, if pirating wasn't around, returning open software wouldn't be such an issue.

I bring all of this up because, earlier today, I had a customer try to bring back a copy of Oblivion. He claimed that his PC more than met the recommended system specs writtin on the box, and yet, for some miraculous reason, the game froze up on his system. He not only called us liars for missrepresenting system requirements (yes, because I make the fucking box-art, asshole), but demanded that we return the game. Of course, I had to tell him we couldn't, and that we'de exchange it if he's making a claim that it was deffective. Did that suffice? OF COURSE NOT! However, this mentally impaired micro-cruton did not seem to grasp that it is illegal for us to return open software of any kind.

What I'm getting at here is that, piracy is not the type of thing you see in dumb ass movies like Hackers. There's no cyber-punk to it, no Tank Girl hiliarity. Piracy is boring, and mundane, and honestly, the work of the lazy man. The only reason anyone does it is because, frankly, they don't want to pay money for shit they don't want. I mean, maybe I watch a little too much Fight Club, but why the hell should I have to pay for a game like Gun? A 10 hour game that lets me scalp people? WEEE!

A part of it is the industry too. I mean, every game now-a-days that's made by a major developer gets like, an 8.0 or 7.5, when really the game is shit. However, good ratings peak interests, and my curiosity urges me to play these games. But fuck if i'm going to pay for a game I can't rent, or return, just because I broke the fucking seal. I don't know about you, but I'm not that big of a fan of the establishment.

Peace,
Ramin

And then there were five

2006-04-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

I'm told by my peers that, as an alleged contributor to this blog, I should perhaps consider making some actual contributions. Upon deep thought and meditation, I've come to the conclusion that these suggestions are not only legitimate, but good.

Perhaps my reluctance has stemmed from the feeling of having nothing to actually offer at this point, by way of a thoughtful observation of current events or a recollection of a week in my life.

Therefore, I present you with my link of the moment:

Dancin' Bubba's Dance List

Wow. Look at him go. He could sure upstage me at a hoedown. Yee-haw.

The enthusiasm has reached exhilarating peaks.

Introducing Doctor Richard Kimball

2006-04-01T23:23:00.000-07:00

As I scroll through the available channels I noticed the handsome and bearded Harrison Ford loving experiencing what it is like to have your wife brutally murdered by a man with one arm.

This made me realize that I love Harrison. He's old sure, and most of his characters are the same, but, damnit, who can't love him. From watching him run from out of control trains to watching him run from out of control boulders, his range of acting skill truly boggles. Seriously though, he has managed at least a few different character types through the years, and even though I should be somewhat bored of this particular character, the Kimball/Dr. Jack Ryan character caught in an out of control situation, I somehow am not. He just exudes an irresistible natural charisma that I can't resist.

Still, I wish it was Jack Ryan I was watching. Same character, but as much as I like watching crazy, far-fetched plots by a prosthetic-wielding psycho being unraveled by a man wrongly accused of murder, I much prefer watching crazy, far-fetched plots involving the CIA. At least the CIA thing I can believe!

-Smith

An "Unmissable" Post...

2006-04-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

So, I'm watching Law and Order: SVU tonight. Now, before we go any further, I want to explain: in my defense, I only ever watch SVU when I'm already on the couch, can't find the remote and are too lazy/tired/sick/hungover to look for it. (Actually, tonight, it was all four.)

Anyway, they are doing that little teaser thing at the end. You know that they called next week's SVU? "Unmissable." It was an unmissable episode.

I doubt that is a real word. Is missable a word, even? I looked it up. None of the four dictionaries I own (Jesus, I'm a word nerd.) had "unmissable" in them. A quick search of online dictionaries show that only two out of six (Oxford and Cambridge) listed it. What makes it even stranger is that my 2006 Canadian Oxford doesn't have it in there, but apparently the American one does.

So, I'm putting this to a vote: Is there such a word as "unmissable?"

And truth be told, it doesn't matter if it is. Even if "unmissable" is a word, it is a REALLY, REALLY bad one. So fuck you, NBC. Shameful.

String,
Lilwall

Required Reading

2006-04-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

Alright. Looks like the Formatting Fairy has paid a visit to the Ten Thousand Monkeys blog. The Formatting Fairy is almost exactly like the Tooth Fairy, except instead of money, the Formatting Fairy brings CSS coding. Also, he has terrible chronic Halitosis. Just horrible. No one likes spending time with the Formatting Fairy.

What nuggets of happiness have we received? LINKS! The Gateway is an odd creature, and has a habit of spawning frightening hell-beasts to spread beyond its reach. The Gateway Blog-o-sphere is one of the products of the paper's egg sacs. Ten Thousand Monkeys happens to be one of those creations. Listed below are some of the others. And just for fun, I decided to give an inaccurate and possibly libelous description of each blog. Let's watch.

"An Intellect Rivaled Only By Garden Tools" - Many academic textbooks cite Ross Prusakowski as the inventor of the first steam-powered sewing machine, a statement that the Dean of Oxford calls "absurd, offensive and erotic."

"The Boston Crap Party" - To this day, every documented photo or sighting of Iris Tse and Chris O’Leary has been shown to have a logical scientific explanation. Even so, there are still some willing to believe.

"Four Bad Men" - Dan Kazor is a style of architecture that was widely popular from 1425-1426 AD. It is best distinguished by its high ceilings, bold archways and the effective use of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle frescos.

"House Blog" - In a startling public display, Chloe, Amanda, Natalie, Kim and Jenny proved Einstein's theory of relativity in an experiment involving a hamster, and pneumatic drill and a Jesus Jones CD. Criminal charges against the five are still pending.

"What is the point of this story?" - Steve Smith's porgies have recently been classed as a weapon of mass destruction by 46 countries, and using them again a human populous is prohibited by the Geneva Convention.

Those were the five blogs I was able to find. If there are anymore that I missed, I apologize, and officially blame it on the hangover and Sudafed.

String,
Lilwall

The Legend Continues...

2006-04-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

So, the Tomb Raider: Legend demo was interesting. It felt weird to play a platformer again that wasn't a Mario game. I remember loving the first Tomb Raider, but I really never got into the other ones. Legend seems to be a nice revamp on the series after that awfull Angel of Darkness game. God damn that sucked.

They've improved alot of the platforming mechanics in this game, so it does seem to play alot faster. All your climbing, swinging, running, swimming etc. can be sped up by pressing a button in time with your movements, which makes everything a bit more interactive. The shooting is alright, but the enemies sort of just stand there and shoot at you. They never really take any cover or anything like that, so that could be a bit of an issue--though I never thought the shooting parts were a big part of the original anyways, since the puzzles were the best part. That hasn't changed here either. The demo has a nice push-blocks-onto-switches puzzle that actually lets you play around with the realistic physics the game sports. It's a very nice touch that I hope is implemented alot more as the game goes on.

Also, the environments are very nice to look at. No normal mapping or anything fancy like that, but all of the lighting, water, foliage, and backgrond sceneray look very nice, and definatley a step up from any of the previous games. The character models do leave something to be desired though. They're kind of...well, polygonal. Maybe the polygon count is low on them or something. But when you have games like Half-Life 2 or Oblivion , sub-par character models start to become a bigger hinderance than they probably should be.

Either way, I was impressed with it. It won't be a blow out, but it looks to be promising. Long as I don't have to kill anymore dinosaurs.

Peace,
Ramin

Microcosm! Or is that Micro-organism...

2006-03-31T23:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, Ramin's been RAVING about Spore, so here's a neat little online "sneak peak" for you:

Flow in Games

Enjoy,
-Scott

"Will there be any kind of dessert with these pancakes?"

2006-03-31T12:43:00.000-07:00

There is so much to talk about.

So the Game Developers Conference is a week gone now, and after all the smoke has cleared, Nintendo and Will Wright respectively stole the show. Anyone who hasn't seen Will Wright's Spore demonstration needs to free up an hour of their time and watch it. I can't even imagine how this game will, as cheesy as it sounds, change games forever--if it's as good as it seems. This game is just...freaking...like...just watch it.

But Nintendo was the show stopper this year. First there was New Super Mario Bros. DS which is pretty neat, though the name is kind of retarded. Why not Super Mario Bros. 5 or something. Or 4? Was Super Mario World a fourth one?

And of course, there's Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. You know, I really hated Wind Waker, but for some reason the graphical style seems fitting for the DS. I'm sure it'll play fine, but I just...am not that excited about it. I mean, I love my DS, and I'm sure they'll find some cool way to use the touch screens to like, throw tinkle bombs or something. I guess it's just...I mean, how long can they make Zelda games for? I guess till they make one that sucks. Maybe I'm just bitter about Twilight Princess.

They did release a bit more information about the Revolution though. Speaking of Twilight Princess, they did confirm that it would be compatible with Revolution controllers , with added functionality. Personally, this is kind of lame. I mean, this game was supposed to be out by now. If they delayed this game twice just so you could throw tingle-bombs or fish with a motion-sensor controller, I'm gonna be hella-pissed. I'm not sure why they don't just make it a Revolution launch title and be done with it. No one ever uses their Game Cub anymore anyways, so it really would make them more money.

Also, I thought it was pretty cool that along with the downloadable compendium of old Nintendo games, they're adding 1,000 Genesis games, and a bunch of Turbo Grafix games. Bonk baby!.

I was gonna put some thoughts into Wrestlemania, but I'll get to it later.

Peace,
Ramin

Really Alternative Religions

2006-03-31T11:24:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those people who takes a sideways view of organized religion. I have nothing against people who are religious, I just personally don't buy into any particular dogma or credo. It's not really my thing.

So what of you, gentle reader? Are you also adrift in the sea of organized religion? Well fear not! Here's a few alternatives to the more mainstream religions that you might find more to your taste.

Scientology: The second biggest crackpot religion after Mormonism. Like the Mormorns, they believe in aliens... the Grand Galactic Emperor XENU to be precise! If you want to drop all of your money on bad psychological examinations to say you belong to the same religion as Tom Cruise, here's the link for you.

Jediism: Are you a huge Star Wars geek? Well here's one for you! Seems the devout spirituality of the Jedi is becoming something of a vogue religion now. Don't count on getting a lightsaber or using mind tricks, but if you wanna have a SciFi religion with both pop culture roots and aspects of Bhuddism... sure, why not. Consider the Dark Side.

Cthulhuism: If your going to believe in aliens, why not go big? The biggest alien of all has got to be Cthulhu, and worship of the Great Old One in the Deep is in full swing. I count myself amongst his devout... but it's more of a Christmas and Easter thing. Frankly, I just want to be one of the first eaten when he rises.

Pastafarianism: Behold the glory of the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster! His Gospel is now available in paperback, and there's a petition to have his creation myth taught in our schools. And why not? If the Christian creation myth is a worthy alternative POV to evolution...

And there's many, many more. Frankly, it sometimes seems like there's a religion out there for everyone.

Enjoy,
Scott

Might Morphing Emo Rangers

2006-03-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

A little birdy hooked me up with something I swear I would have never believed existed had I not seen it with my own eyes. Introducing The Mighty Morphing Emo Rangers. This is comedic gold. It's done by a bunch of british kids, I'm pretty sure only one of them knows how to even throw a punch, and i'm positivenone of them can act, but still, this is great. The thing is, they capture the craptastice mannerisms of the Power Rangers of my dad that I loved as a child, as well as the obviouse generalizations about different types of emo kids, that I have a hard time believing any of these people are actually Emo. Even if they are, though...just watch it.

Peace,
Ram

confessions of a socially embittered mind

2006-03-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

So it would seem that Facebook is still looking for bidders. After turning down a $750 million deal, they reportedly want $2 billion. So who's gonna buy this next big wave in emo "non-conformity" conformity? Viacom, apperantly. At least, that's the suggestion. Since they own like, VH1, MTV, and Comedy Central, this would be a good fit for them. Make's sense, considering Rupert Murdochowns My Space and poures endless amounts of money into that ever-growin empire of shit. The popularity is there, so Facebook can probably get at least $1 billion.

My question is, why? I mean, as cliched as it's becoming to question the popularity of these sites, I still don't understnad the mass appeal of them. Some have suggested to me that it's the future of social networking. Frankly, I don't buy it. Don't get me wrong. places lik My Space were originally designed with the intention of "social networking" for underground musicians and the like. Now look at it. it's a cesspool for Emo Kids , Wiggers , and oh-so-sad Goths ,can be pretentious gits at once. Where is the networkng here exactly? I mean what do 14-year-old kids with no life experience and probably no ambitions do on those websites besides spend hours upon havinng comment-conversations or starting forum threads about "Diss the guy above you ^^!!!!111oneoneone?".

Now before you get smart and point out the irony that I'm writing this on a blog--a medium that has equally been accused of such actions, as well as complete lack of journalistic integrity--or that fact that i've gone on a wild tangent, keep in mind that, unlike these pretentious know-it-all schmuks, I don't expect to make BFF's on this blog. I don't plan on musing about my true love or how fucking rad counter-strike is--but not as rad as crying myself to sleep.

I guess I just worry that, when my kids are growing up, social discourse will be thrown completely out the window, instead replaced by virtual sex, virtual drugs, and virtual music that sounds like shit compared to 80's rock and roll--or rap for that matter. Though, I guess I should be more worried about my kids becoming Emo.

Peace,
Ramin

I Speaks the Tongue of the Devil!

2006-03-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

Oh. The Wonders of the IntraWeb.

The Good - The Canadian Red Bull FlugTag: Around the world, Red Bull, makers of that poor-tasting energy drink, has held an annual competition that has allowed participants to look to their inner Da Vinci.

The task: Build your own flying machine, with extra points for creativity and style.

The Participants: Pretty much any random Joe that can fill out an application.

The Result: Comedy , pure and simple.

Well, the competition is finally coming to Canada. The first Canadian FlugTag will be taking place in Vancouver, on August 19. Registration is free. It's about creating something. It's about competition. It's about dressing up like a chicken and throwing a Styrofoam Cadillac with wings in to the water while thousands of people cheer.

It's about making a difference.

The Bad - Celebrity Gawker: It's 11:00 pm. Do you know where Sting is? Do you really give a shit? Well, for the three of you who do, the Celebrity Gawker site is for you. Keep tabs on your favourite manufactured Hollywood personality. Anthony Hopkins eats dinner!Jodie Foster does laundry! Courtney Love still sort of resembles a corpse.

They're just like us...except not! I have to envy the people who have done everything they want to with their lives, and have the time to concern themselves intimately with that of others.

The Fuckin' Awesome - Mp3 Pez Dispenser: It's a Pez Dispenser. And it plays Mp3s. Mp3 Pez Dispenser.

I'm not even to write about this. If you don't understand how intrinsically rad this is, you aren't worth the effort.

String,
Lilwall

2006-03-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Ten Thousand Monkey's (or 10-K, for those who dabble in abreviation).

This blog originally started as a website idea that, for circumstances that are irrelivant, turned into a blog. Mostly, we're just going to write about the crap that interests us: games, movies, weird web stuff, wrestling (sometimes), among other things.

So, let's clearify the cast of characters: Parsopolian (Ramin, that's me) Scottybomb (Scott Bourgois), Lilwall (Scott Lilwall), Masamax (Mike Smith), and MiketheGreat (Mike Kendrick). Now, most of what I write will be about gaming, and TV, and rants about society that people have made for years over. So you probably won't pay much attention to me. The others are pretty smart, so you can trust your eyes to their words--except Lilwall's. He speaks the tounge of the devil.

So, enjoy, I guess.

Peace,
Ramin

2006-03-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

It's alive!

And now the formatting must begin.